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Tag: husband in control

81 – Time will tell

Sometimes i dream up scenarios in my head about how D/s with DD could go.

i don’t know if you’d call that a “fantasy” or not, but here’s one such fictional story that i imagined in my head today…….

BACKGROUND:

i have a chastity belt on order. And i just finished a 7-day Edging challenge. In truth, i am equally happy AND fearful of this chastity belt. i think i am fearful because of the unknown… i just don’t know what exactly to expect. Hence, why i think i dreamed you a scenario of how it “might” go.

So as i wait the arrival of the belt, i’ve thought about how it will feel, how often i will have to wear it, and how things with it will go.

NOW:

i specifically envisioned this conversation in my head…..

Sir: go to the bedroom and edge. Stop only long enough to ensure you don’t cross over the edge. Do NOT cum! And I’ll be there shortly.

Me: Yes Sir.

And i do as told. About 10-minutes later, Sir comes in. And sits on the bed beside me.

Sir: are you frustrated?

Me: Yes Sir. Can i cum now that you are here?

Sir: no. But you can stop edging.

i start to get up.

Sir: I never said you could get up. Lay back down and open your legs.

i do as told. He touches me and it feels SO good!

Me: Please Sir, may i pleaseeee cum?

Sir: NO!

And he stops the touching.

Sir: Now let’s get your belt on you for the day. I want you to want me. To hear you beg to let you cum. To make sure you know you only get to cum when I allow it. I want to get you to the place where I walk by you and your juices flow down your leg because you are so well trained to be wet for me, that I don’t even have to speak. And if I said “cum now” you would, without me even touching you! That is the goal my love!

Me: Yes Sir.

And he locks me up, and afterward twirls the key in his hand.

Sir: I guess you better hope I don’t lose this key now! Right?? And if you are my good girl, you’ll maybe get to cum tonight. But you have to be good, don’t you?

Me: Yes Sir.

Sir: now kiss me, thank me, and get ready for work.

And i do as told.

TRUTH: i have no idea how this belt will go and that conversation above hasn’t happened. And in writing, it sounds hot. In practice, i may not like it too much. Time will tell.

Tick-Tock……..

Hugs,

Marie

74 – Memoir 3 – CHANGE… ME or YOU?

After that (almost completely) fateful night…. the only “real” change in our marriage for ALMOST A FULL YEAR was that I was tracking his phone, watching his email, scouring the credit card and phone statements, for the express purpose of looking for trouble. I never found any, which really made me wonder if he was just better at hiding it, or if it was truly not happening. I had NO way of knowing what “truth” was anymore.

In short: I didn’t trust him!

i know you are thinking, “what? NO change? Why?” Well…. it is harder than you think and it’s a lot easier to talk about it when you aren’t in the middle of the emotional part of it too!It took a lot of time to even decide if we wanted to try, then work up the effort to make it happen, and then what does this so-called “change” even look like?!?

But after almost another year of me being hyper vigilant and watching him like a hawk, we were both miserable. He got mad at one point and said, “I can’t live with you watching my every move. I can’t prove the negative… THAT is not even possible! What will it take to move past this? I’m still HERE. With YOU. What can I do to prove that YOU are who I want???”

That was the first sign of outward fatigue for either of us. I knew I was already SO very tired of trying to figure out if I should stay, should go, how to make things better, feeling good AND bad…. and ultimately….. I was tired of ….being in control. This was NOT sustainable!

C-H-A-N-G-E was becoming the word of the day and I simply had to stop running from it and start embracing it.

Now you may wonder, “WHY did you stay?” Ultimately, it was because I didn’t know if I should leave.

My parents divorced when I was 5. I remember my Dad and Mom having this vicious pattern where Dad would live at our house for months at a time where we were a “Family” again… and then he’d leave. And then he’d be back and repeat. This went on for many years. And I vowed to NEVER do that wish-washy thing to my kid. I decided to stay, “Until I knew I was ready to leave. For good. Forever.”

So every day for more than a year, I prayed the EXACT same prayer EVERY-SINGLE-DAY, “Lord, I don’t know if I should stay or if I should go. But I do know, I need you to be in charge and be in control. If today is the day I should leave, I need you to give me a sign. But if today is the day I need to stay, I will listen and wait on you Lord. Either way, direct my path in the way you want me to go”.

So my decision to STAY was an active decision. It was NOT simply “by default”. Making no decision is ultimately a decision, but I HAD made a decision. Daily!

And that was when the movie “Fireproof” by Kirk Cameron came out. And “The Love Dare” was a thing that sprung from the movie. It wasn’t the best made movie, but when I went to see it (with my mom and sister), it spoke to my heart.

The next day, I bought The Love Dare Book. And it was a 40-day challenge to reign down love on your spouse in a Christian/biblical way …. before you decide to leave/ divorce. And I didn’t tell him at all what I was doing.

The first day said:

I admit, I did NOT do this entire Love Dare with an “all-in” heart. I did this from a “I want to say I tried. And I’m tired from all the other things I’ve done already so maybe this is the thing. So, I’ll try.” So i did it with a Fake-It-Til-You-Make-It mentality.

And holding my tongue that first day was a REAL chore! To which he didn’t even notice. I was not surprised, but I was disappointed.


Day 2 said:

On this day, I bought him a gift. One that was more about the gesture than the gift, but he was surprised. He asked me what prompted it. And thanked me. (He noticed! Progress!)

And this SERVING-HEART continued for many days. I never made it to the end of the full 40-days because we started talking, really talking (!!) somewhere around 10-days in and we started changing……. but more importantly, I started changing!

I no longer saw the problem as HIS fault, but OUR fault. I realized I had done a lot to contribute to David’s unfaithful spirit. I realized I did nothing to bring him home to me and yet he came home anyway. I decided I had to change myself if I was going to expect our marriage to change. And in the end, if I changed but our marriage didn’t, then it was in the Lord’s hands and that would be my “sign” and probably time to go then.

From that point and for Several years forward…… we went into a “sexual discovery” mode of sorts. We started this because I was still angry. He got to have fun, so I should be able to too. But I wanted to do it together, and not behind anyone’s back. (This all sounds crazy to me now, but honestly, I was hurt and mad and sad and unclear and needed to “find a new way” …. to C-H-A-N-G-E). I was unclear if I wanted to be dominant/submissive, sadist/masochist, swinger, tied up/ do the tying, polyamorous, bisexual, homosexual/ (lesbian), heterosexual, and every combination you can think of!

We joined a few dating sites and proceeded to try it all! We went to swinger clubs, we met individuals/groups, we did things alone and together.

And the whole time, I scoured the internet asking questions that started with…. “is bisexual forbidden in the Bible?” And “how do i know if I’m a lesbian?” And “how to have a successful open marriage?” and “is polyamory legal?” And “Is swinging morally wrong?”

And we tried out ALL these things! And I do mean, ALL!

Then we started to find what we liked and didn’t….. through all this discovery, I found that I didn’t like being tall, or Capitalized, or In control…. so i went to being the little i, the submissive, the one being handed orders and not giving them, the one who listened and obeyed. And we ultimately confirmed that David did NOT want to give up control nor was he submissive!

THIS was when i discovered DD. And specifically it was Jennifer’s blog that showed me some of the how-to’s. And how to get it into our marriage fully. i followed her blog and “lurked” for about a full year before i knew this was what i truly needed, with our own twist on it too.

That’s when I started googling things like “is it right to like to be spanked?” And “is spanking your wife biblical?” And “why does the Bible say to submit to your husband?” And “What is DD?” And “What’s the difference in BDSM and DD”.

It was also then that i realized that God answered my prayers. He allowed me to explore with my husband, but never leave him. He allowed me to be with my husband, while discovering who i am. (The little i).

And strangely enough, all that control i tried to hang onto in the start was freeing to give up. i was hanging on so tightly to the sand, that i was crushing it in my hand and it slipped through the cracks. Giving into it freed me. And allowed our marriage to experience the true change we both sought!

Now …. all that was left…. while David basically knew what i needed, we hadn’t actually decided or talked about “this being our way”. Not had i any clue if he’d actually willingly spank me for discipline, and not just for sexual/kink! But i knew… i had to talk to him. And the overwhelming thoughts of “what if he says no?”… loomed large!

i will end this memoir series with the final post tomorrow …. talking about how we specifically talked about THIS thing we do with D/s and DD consequences.

Hugs,

Marie

71 – 21 times to change a habit – that’s the goal!

Most people have heard the phrase “it takes 21-days to change a habit”. Whether that’s fact or fiction remains unproven really, either way, David decided i am going to do a task this week 21-times without failing.

What is that task?

Edging. NO orgasm allowed. At least not by my hand. And i am not allowed to ask him to do it either. He may decide to touch me or allow me to orgasm on his own, but it will be at his decision and not mine.

i do NOT like edging. IT SUCKS! It sucks because it feels SOOOOO good… and yet requires absolute control. It is just Goal-oriented and not Pleasure-oriented. And absolutely NO indulging. NO losing myself in the sensations and the good vibe feelings it creates.

3 times a day for one solid week. Twenty-one times. In 7-days.

NO exceptions.

NO ability to NOT do it ….. or worse…. NO ability to go over the edge without him knowing because he is requiring every session to be either on video or in his presence. NO exceptions. At all.

He made it clear that i am truly expected to go TO-THE-EDGE….

And if it means i have to stop and restart again, just to ensure i go to the edge, i am to push my ability to GO-TO-THE-VERY-EDGE!

Twenty-one times in seven days. NO going over the edge. NO exceptions.

THIS is my GOAL for the next 7-days, 21- times. Goal-oriented. NOT pleasure-oriented.

When i asked, “what if i misjudge the edge and go over?”

i was told, “severe punishment will ensue. And then you’ll start the 21-times all over again until you accomplish this task successfully. And since you will want to orgasm pretty badly by the end, I am confident you can do this!”

(i’m certainly glad at least one of us is confident!)

Now you may be asking, “what prompted THIS?”

Ever since getting my nips pierced, i have been SO sex’d up and feeling SO turned on… that i have NEEDED Sir to allow me to orgasm. And he’s annoyed by this. Too much. i pushed his limits!

i haven’t exactly been submissive about it either. Yesterday i wore a dress and no panties… i was feeling SO needy i “conveniently” lifted my dress when he was on the couch, and my puss just happened to end up rubbing right up against his hand… and i smiled seductively and said, “do you want to use me?”

i got a big-fat- NO. And he swatted my clit and said, “you need to stop”. OUCH!… physical and mental!

And i went to bed without being touched or satisfied. Truly i thought it was done though because he didn’t act like it was anymore than that. But i was wrong.

This morning… he announced “this week we will teach you a lesson. You need to recognize that I know I can touch you anytime I want. But it is when I want, not when you want. YOU are not in control. You know this, but you don’t always show or act like it. And after yesterday’s stunt, you clearly need to learn to control your sexual desires. I love it when you dress sexy and give me serious eye candy, but I don’t like it when you push yourself on me like you did. That’s too demanding and completely unnecessary.. and clearly NOT the submissive that we both know (and love) that you are. You need to be patient and wait for me to be the one to satisfy you, at a time when it satisfies me!”

And that’s when he told me my task for the week. That my sexual needs will now be amped up at my own hand…. before my sexual needs are satisfied at the end of 7-successful days at his hand (or tongue or cock). And that’s when i’ll get to orgasm. And not until then.

“Yes Sir. Thank you Sir for the discipline and showing me you love me enough to want to help me do better. i love you Sir.”

“I love you too my sweetheart. Now go be a good girl and start your first edging for the day.”

Yes Sir.

i sure hope my goal is met in JUST 7-days!

i’ll let you know just how frustrated i do indeed get this week… this will be a very long week!

Hugs,

Marie

33 – my body betrays my mind

If you’ve seen any of my prior posts, you know that my husband is my best friend, the authority in my house, and in charge. And most recently, he’s learned that it is a “thing” that more and more women are choosing to be braless …. everywhere…. all the time…. in any light, weather, or clothing. (Don’t believe me? Just google, “braless”)

Well, my husband is a “boob man” anyway. He notices them on every lady out there and L-O-V-E-S them. And so this is music to his eyes and inspired him to set a rule for me that “NO bras allowed. Ever. Again. Period.”

Okay, so my recent posts have told you that my first thought about this was, “Hell yah! Ditch that stupid thing!” And i did. And for the first 24’ish hours, i was in heaven.

Those 24-hours were on a Saturday. When i didn’t have a care in the world and nowhere to be or go. And we were on vacation. Who cares who sees anything while on vacation? i mean, you are NEVER going to see these people again! Yeah, so, ditch the bra and have a grand time!

And then. We came home. And had to go to the store. And the realization that this is now my new rule… at home too. Sir expected the “no bra” rule to Always. Apply. Forever. Amen. (Oh geez!).

And so i went to the store. David knew i was apprehensive… what if i see someone i know, what if i know them well-enough they say something, what if it’s a friend’s mom, what if it’s our son’s friends, on and on.

So i didn’t like it and i told David. While he’s in charge and has final authority, he always considers my thoughts, requests, etc. And this was no different. But, he responded, quite firmly with, “I know you don’t like it now. But I do. And the sooner you learn to accept it, the better off we will all be.”

And so i went to the store. Braless. On edge. With great apprehension.

And i get a text from Sir and it says, “I need proof.”

i was perplexed and thought, “proof to what?” And i texted that back (nicely.)

And the text i got back said, “that you listened and did as i asked… braless. Take a selfie right now.” So, as odd as THAT was, and because the girls were on high beam anyway, i did and they showed. And Sir was happy.

Then came Sunday. And church. (Yes, we are Christians. In fact, it’s the Bible that got me to thinking i needed to be a submissive, obedient wife in the first place. But that’s another post altogether!). And i (quite calmly) asked Sir again, “even to church?” And the response was, “Y-E-S! So again, i did.

Now at this point, i’ve basically been Braless a week. But here comes Monday. And returning to work. And i’m not much caring about the braless thing at this point. And i happen to work in a VERY conservative profession, in a VERY conservative city and state. So this time, i put my foot down and said, “respectfully Sir, i won’t go to work without a bra.”

And he relinquished. He understood. And agreed. And i feel complete relief wash over me.

And i go put on my bra and start to dress for work.

And find that bra is SO tight! SO constricting. So uncomfortable. Holy crap! When did this go from so good to so bad? Why did i like this… ever? And WHY did i think I didn’t like braless?

MY BODY HAS BETRAYED MY MIND,

I DO LIKE BRALESS.

So i told David this. And his response was, “ you like the SAFETY of the bra. The safety of being conservative, of not looking slutty in public, or not tarnishing your name or reputation. You don’t like the bra itself!”

And i realized, he is right!

So then he says, “if you trust me, you’ll do as I ask and not wear a bra ever again (except we will concede work hours), and you will find safety in me and my leadership and our marriage.

Maybe i DO like braless after all. Maybe i will be more submissive and obedient and trust in my marriage and that the Lord to lead my husband in a way that is a bit different, but still safe too!

Hugs,

Marie

11 – Double Date with BFF’s

Sir and i went out on a double date last night with our BFF’s.  They are married and we met because our children were in kinder together (at a private Christian school no less!).  We have always had a mutual attraction, but never reallyyyyyyy acted on it.

First the backstory…

So our kids were in kindergarten and as you stand outside the classroom door, you get to know one another’s faces, as the school year drones on you say hello, and it takes off from there.

i’ve always thought she was hot.  She is probably **the** reason i wanted to kiss a woman.  But she is the elusive, flirty, look-but-do-NOT-touch, type.  When i am with her, i find myself with loads of JOY.  So i’ll call her “Joy” from now on.

Joy is one of those women who is older and wiser than her actual years. In fact, i’m about 10-years older than her, but to talk to us, you’d have NO idea that she wasn’t older than me.  She’s done more things, been to more places, and seen more wilder things that i’ve even dared to think about.  At least, so she says.

She and i quickly became BFF’s as our sons also became BFF’s.  It was convenient!  And we confided in one another about everything – i think.  i say ‘i think’ because the longer i know her (going on 10-years now!) the more i “find out” that she hadn’t told me before. Which isn’t bad, just eye opening in a “oh, i didn’t know THAT,” kind of way.

But because we talk openly, we talk about EVERYTHING.  She once told me that “if we weren’t married to our husbands, we would  make the perfect couple and i’d ask you to marry me!” and she was serious.  And what’s more, i pretty much agreed with her too!

We hung out, texted, called each other A LOT.  She started calling me, “HER MARIE”.  And told her husband that “When I’m with MY Marie, you have to take a backseat.  I’ll always come home to you, but she comes first!” WOW.  Bold.  (She’s NOT a submissive!)

Our husbands began to be friends too, because we would coordinate double-dates, just so that they were included but really, it was so we could be together too.

But that’s as far as it’s ever gone sexually too…… mostly anyway.

SEXTING with Joy.

She loves to sext me.  Joy brings a smile to my face when she sends me naughty pictures and asks for some in return.  She tells me she’s been with women before and loved it, but that her husband didn’t think it was ‘right’.  i’ve decided i think that was simply an ‘excuse’ to tell me so that she wouldn’t have to get naked in front of me, in person, and let me have my way with her (and vice versa).

Joy has sent me all sorts of naked porn and seductively dressed pictures.  i think she knows i’d love to taste her.  And that’s likely why when we are together, she flirts (heavily) but because we are ALWAYS in public, it would never go further than flirting.

Joy’s husband.

Let me tell you a bit about Joy’s husband.  Most of which is second-hand knowledge from Joy, because of course, i talk to Joy wayyyyy more than i do her husband.

Her husband is manly in that he works out, he’s done an Iron Man challenge, and he’s fit.  She says it is all for show though.  She says that on the inside, he is very much a puppy dog and does what she wants.  She likes to “be on top” but she also likes to “top from the bottom”. Maybe she’s a switch and ultimately not just a dominant or a submissive!

She hands him devices and tells him to use them. Once she and i went to a girl’s night out and she told me that she “put his cock in a cage, took the key (with her to our girl’s night), and told him to expect sexy pictures from us all night while we were out.” And then she laughed and told me, “he likes it! And I like being in control!”.

And then she proceeded to tell me that she/i would take turns going to the bathroom taking naughty pictures and sending them to him.  And we did.  But of course, we didn’t do this “together”.

So because he is physically fit (The Iron Man Challenge!) and he loves Iron on his cock apparently too, i’m going to call him “IRON” from now on.  So Joy and Iron are happily married with her telling him what to do… and in some ways.. telling me what to do too.

Fantasy date nights.

Joy has told me she wanted us to set up a date with each of our husbands, at separate restaurants, but on the same day and time.  They would think they were going to dinner with their wife. But THEN when it came time to go out, we would tell them we had to drive separate cars (not sure how i’d have ever managed to convince Sir that while we are going to the same place, we have to drive separate cars!?).

And each of her/i would go to the “other husband’s” restaurant.  And act, look, talk as if we are married to that husband.  So she would go meet Sir and i would go meet Iron.  And when we were together with the other one’s husband, we would touch, kiss, and ‘act married’ to that one.

We’ve never actually done that because at the time she suggested it, i wasn’t too sure how much Iron and i would actually have in common or what we would ‘do’ or talk about.  And frankly, i was a bit worried that Iron would just get mad. David would likely be turned on and think it hot, but i wasn’t certain of that either.

SATURDAY REAL DATE NIGHT.

Last night Joy and Iron, and myself and Sir went to dinner and drinks altogether on a double-date. We went to a nice steak house and ate dinner, drank two bottles of wine, and went to the cigar room in the restaurant for a cocktail after that.  (i was drunk off my ass!)

When i get drunk, i get horny.  Okay, so i get horny pretty much anytime David is around, but still… it’s magnified when i’m drunk.  Okay, maybe not magnified at all… maybe just that i tell him more… i become more aggressive about it!

And at dinner, i was sitting next to Sir and put my hand on his leg.  i started rubbing his leg in a “i’m thinking of you” and “i love you” and a “massage” kind of way.  He seemed to like it.

And the drunker i got, the more bold i got.  i moved my hand up to his crotch and started rubbing on his cock.  i could feel it responding.  i could tell he liked it.

But that’s when he grabbed my hand, put it on my own leg, and said, “STOP!  You didn’t ask permission to touch my leg, let alone my cock!”.

i cringed. Ouch, that kinda hurt my ego.

And i whispered, “may i please touch your cock Sir?”  into his ear.

He said, “NO.  You should’ve asked first.  But you didn’t.  So you lost that privilege!”

Joy was observant though and noticed this exchange.  She looked at me and said, “are you okay?”

i said, “oh yes, i’m in trouble though.  i didn’t ask permission.”

And Sir said, “Most definitely in trouble!”

Joy said, “Didn’t ask permission for what?”

Sir said, “Tell her!” Despite texting and sexting a lot with Joy, i hadn’t told her about this new submissive dynamic we had now.

Me, “For touching his cock without permission.” And i looked down.

Joy laughed and said, “i hope the punishment fits the crime” and she winked.  i think she thinks i was in a ‘play/ fun kind of trouble’ and frankly, i wasn’t sure if she was right or not.  i’d have to wait and see.

Cigar room fun.

Have you ever smoked a cigar?  It creates a natural high from the nicotine.  So combine alcohol, cigar high, and horny-ness (is that a word?) together and what do you get?

i got Joy sitting in my lap and proclaiming how happy she was to have “Her Marie” now.

That’s when Sir said, “kiss her”.

i wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or Joy, but it could be interchangeable.  So she leaned in and pecked me on the lips.

Sir said, “That wasn’t much of a kiss”.

And she leaned in and KISSED ME.  i tasted her tongue.  i felt the heat between us.  i wanted more.  So i asked her if David could take our picture while we did that again.  She laughed and said, “sure.”  So i got to kiss her again.  And i got a picture too.  🙂

But … alas… that was it.  Done.  No more.  That was all she wrote.

Really?!  i was left feeling teased on a whole new level.

MAYBE NEXT TIME.

Sir said we should start having more double date nights.  And the next one maybe should be closer to home.  And maybe the one after that, we could come back to our home.  And maybe the one after THAT, he’d order me naked as soon as we hit the house and he would “strongly suggest” (because she would probably listen to Sir, but still want to be in control) that she use a toy on me.  And then the NEXT time, he’d tell me to lick her pussy until she came. And then…. and then…..

And that’s maybe when she’d let Iron out of his cage to play also.

Maybe.

One can hope.

One day.

One date.

Soon.

Maybe.

Or maybe not!

Hugs ~

Marie