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Tag: deep thoughts

120 – What to do if he is wrong

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 120 – What to do if he is wrong

i had a reader email me recently and ask, “what do you do if or when David is wrong? How do you submit to him when you just know that he is wrong?”

And the email went on to ask things like “what about when a parent is wrong and the child is expected to submit? Should you let it go and just submit, or bring it out and try to talk?”

i decided i would use that email as inspiration to make a post …. and show my vulnerability here to all. In fact, i haven’t responded yet to the emailer because i dwelt on and pondered these questions all day. And when i had formulated an answer, i thought maybe i would post it here to put it out there for all to see as well.

Why post it here? Because i suspect the emailer isn’t alone in wanting these answers, but they made a point to step out of their comfort zone and ask me. So i wanted to share my thoughts here for all to read, critique, and maybe even add your thoughts along side mine too.

Ultimately….. i still submit.

Plain and simple.

But there’s always more, right? So here’s the “more” part.

First and foremost, it is biblical. The Bible says Wives are to submit to their Husbands, and Husbands are to love their wives. It does not say Men are to submit to the wife, but rather he is to just love her. And if you want to get technical, it doesn’t say she needs to love him even. While that’s always a good thing, the single directive women have is to submit to their husbands.

And ultimately the Bible also says (in other places) that men are to submit to God and to lead their family. So the ultimate goal is to have one Head of Household (HoH) who follows God, and then she follows him.k creating harmony and unity within every family.

So that’s the overriding reason why i submit.

And yet, it is hard to sometimes hard to submit to an Earthly husband (and/or father… or really any authoritarian in our Earthly world) who does make mistakes and doesn’t follow all of God’s will…. all because he’s as human as the rest of us. He makes mistakes, decisions, and takes actions that are fallible and subject to errors. But i am told by God directly, in plainly written words that i am to submit and obey my husband.

So with that in mind, I submit.

But then if i K-N-O-W David is in the wrong, how exactly do i do that? Well… like everything in life…. it depends! Lol!

It mostly depends on what David is wrong about how exactly i respond really. There are things that he’s wrong about that simple just don’t matter! In those times, i just go with it.

For example, say he is driving to some place we haven’t been to before and i am a passenger. i have it all programmed into Google maps, which is telling us how to get there. And he says something like, “I know a shortcut. We are going this way.” And he turns off the road and takes an alternative route. Well, either he’s dead wrong about it being an available route at all or maybe just wrong about the idea of it being quicker. Either way, i know he’s wrong. In this case, i would do nothing. i would not point it out to him, in fact, i would not say a single word at all! Why? Because it doesn’t matter. He will figure out that we’ve gone off the best path soon enough. And Google will reroute and tell us the new way to go, which may even be to, “Make a u turn at the next street.” So by me pointing it out to David at this point is unnecessary and only serves to make me look arrogant, rude, and obnoxious. And cause us to fight. Which is just trouble for me, for no good reason. Which ultimately leads to discipline.

Now let’s say it’s more serious and it DOES matter. Whatever he’s wrong about can cause big problems because he’s wrong. What do i do then?

Well, i am having a hard time thinking of a good example here, so i am struggling to have an answer too. But what i think i would do is first say something like, “i’m not too sure that’s quite right. Can i tell you what i’m thinking?” And wait to see what he says.

More than likely he will say something like, “ok, what do you think?” and then i would say, “i believe it may be that the answer is…..blah, blah, blah”

But let’s say he doesn’t want to hear my opinion. He says instead, “I know I’m right and your opinion is irrelevant” (or something like that anyway). i would probably try to ask again by saying something like, “i’m quite concerned this may not be the best way forward. i am not sure you have all the facts. Can i please tell you what i know that you may not?” And that would most likely alert him that i think he really should hear me out.

But let’s just say he starts to get irritated and says, “I said no. I meant no. Now stop!” That’s when i typically just submit. And i say, “yes Sir” and get quiet.

Why not try to press on? Well, unless it is life threatening to one of us, i would tell you the answer here is the same as the answer above, it just doesn’t matter in the end. Oh there may be some bad stuff happen as a result of his decision, but does it really matter? i would tell you NO, it most likely does not.

Okay, so what IF it WAS life threatening? Well, i would insist he listen to me. And if he still didn’t listen to me, well now, i would refuse to submit. But notice how many layers i went through before i said i would not submit? Mainly because: 1) the Bible says it is my responsibility to submit, and 2) it just doesn’t really matter in the end.

i would also offer another thought too. Quite often, i find that my thoughts or ways are not “right” and his are not “wrong” either. Frequently it was a matter of opinion, not fact. And everyone is entitled to their opinion in the end. So why not just let him think what he wants and why try to prove i am “right” when in fact, it is just ultimately “different”?

Like in my example above about driving. Sometimes his short cut ways do get us there faster. Just because Google didn’t tell us to go that way, David did in fact know a short cut. So i was not right in thinking he was wrong!

And let’s just say something happens where he ultimately determines he WAS wrong. He wouldn’t say, “you were right” nor would i say, “i told you so,” because rubbing it in is unnecessary at that point. He would know he was wrong, he’d know i knew he was wrong, and we would deal with the consequences of whatever bad stuff happened because of the incorrect decision he made. And we would move on. Life wouldn’t be better (or worse) as a result of that bad decision, or his realization that he was wrong, just slightly different at that point. And in the scheme of things… not much different either.

And i’m ok with all that. i don’t have to be right. And as long as its not life threatening (or causing bodily harm), then…

It just doesn’t matter. And so i submit. i follow God’s will for me as a wife, and i pray that God gives my husband wisdom and guidance to follow God’s will also!

To my fellow submissives, what would you do if your Dom (or parent) was wrong? How would you handle the situation?

Hugs,

Marie

115 – A Bratting Submissive

Written by Marie on . Posted in my submissiveness, Submission. No Comments on 115 – A Bratting Submissive

On a previous post, a fellow blogger suggested that i may well be a “brat.” When she suggested it, i indicated i would research it. And i have.

And i must admit, it probably does describe me. Okay, fine, it DOES define me. Scratch the word probably from that sentence before.

But i didn’t exactly want it to be true though! The word “brat,” conjures up thoughts of a cranky, little child who is likely throwing a temper tantrum in order (to try) to get things their way. And the parent becoming incredibly annoyed that their child is acting this way, causing frustration that the parent even has to deal with this behavior.

It’s a negative behavior. Or so it seemed anyway. And i don’t want to be negative, troublesome, or to be problematic.

So all this is quite ironic because when i started googling various words and phrases about bratting, in my mind i heard myself saying things like, “i don’t even know why i am bothering to look this up. This is a waste of time. i am not a brat!!! This is just SO stupid to think this might describe me! This is SO not me!”

Kinda sounds like a cranky little kid throwing a temper tantrum, doesn’t it??? Oh my! Palm plant to the face now!

Ok…. so… after some time to “change the attitude,” i reread her exact comment that she made and it said, “Bratting isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Daddy happens to love it about me.”

Okay, so if it isn’t necessarily bad, then it could be inherently good! And she even said her Daddy likes it about her. That’s when i restarted the google search with a much improved attitude… looking for the good and not just bad.

i did this second search as i laid in bed next to Sir. One site described a submissive brat as:

“A brat is a BDSM submissive, usually female, who enjoys being mischievous, disobedient and cheeky to their dominant, usually in a lighthearted manner. A brat’s qualities will usually be fundamental to their dynamic. Brattiness may be temporary or enduring”.

When i read this (silently), i started to giggle (out loud). David asked me what was so funny and i said, “Listen to this….” and i read him that paragraph above. No preamble or backstory for him to even know what prompted the search or the read to begin with.

His response was to nod his head in agreement, to raise his eyebrows upward, and say, “oh yeah! That definitely defines you!”

He continued, “its the mischievous and cheeky words, typically in a lighthearted manner, that seem especially applicable. I always know if you are being cheeky or intentionally disobedient. You keep it fun… most of the time.”

This got me to thinking about how our entire relationship has ALWAYS been this way. We have always said things that can and often do trigger one another. But we typically do it in a lighthearted and fun way. Although in the past, when it did sometimes go too far and over the edge of acceptable, it became contentious which sometimes led to fights.

Now…… we don’t fight. We settle things according to our way of DD. It’s in these times when i particularly pushthe limit of acceptability that i find myself Assuming the Position for a spanking where often i end up regretting my actions!

But all this research and label-making got me to thinking about my entire life and things i’ve done that might’ve been brat-like-behavior. Often at the time i do it, i find myself thinking, “why did i do that??” and more often than not the answers that come back include, “because it’s fun…”, or “because i can” or “because i want to see their response.”

i ultimately don’t ever do things that truly, intentionally cause harm or pain or difficulty to others. Just enough to cause them to move out of their comfort zone and provide a good laugh (for me especially)! FYI….. While i think April Fools day is fun, i don’t typically do a lot…. because i get fearful that my idea of a joke may not be received as well (lighthearted and cheeky) as i intend it to be!

So an example of what i do do…. in public groups, i have noticed people tend to sit in the exact same place every time, like it is their assigned seat. But.. we know… it’s not. Not really anyway. So i like to disrupt their pattern.

Here’s a particular example…. i used to belong to a networking group designed to help build your customer base. We met over breakfast every week. Same day, same time, same place and for the most part… same people. And i noticed after several months of going … those same people sat in the same exact spot too.

And one day… i decided to mix it up.

i arrived a couple of minutes early and put my things in one lady (Mary) “assigned seat,” effectively ousting her and claiming it as my own. i then walked around, mixed/mingled, and waited to see her come in and discover her seat was taken…. and ultimately to see her reaction.

i wasn’t far from “the seat,” when Mary arrived. i saw her but she didn’t know i was watching her response or that i was the trouble-maker. Alright… go time!

She stopped short. Looked around. Looked confused. And then proceeded to have a “oh well” look and selected the next seat to the right. She put her things down and went to get water/bathroom before the meeting started. ohhhhh this just got interesting because that is Jeff’s spot! So the plot thickens!

So now Jeff arrives and sees his spot taken, and says in a questioning but in a calm/comfortable tone, “Who took my spot?” loud enough for most of us to hear. Well since Mary was in the bathroom no one really responded to him. So Monica is always the helpful, peace-maker, and offered up that he could sit next to her and he did. But T-H-A-T spot belonged to Lisa!! So at this point, i am smiling outwardly and giggling inwardly. i am SO bad, but this is SO fun. And i didn’t ultimately cause any real HARM. i just mixed things up ….. just a little…..

When the meeting came to order and everyone was seated, Mary says aloud, “Marie! So you are the one who took my seat…. and caused the trickle down effect…. resulting in half the room needing stronger coffee this morning!” Okay, guilty as charged… but wasn’t this fun mixing things up? (While they laughed…. i don’t think they had as much fun as i did!!)

My sister says i am a, “shit-starter,” and she rolls her eyes at me, and smiles as she says it. So i suppose on some level it makes sense that i’d be the same way with David too.

But since he’s now known me for almost 25-years now… i’d say he likes me and my crazy shenanigans so i am probably ok here! But now with DD, he even has a way to respond (positively/ no fighting) when i go too far too.

So ultimately i guess I will own the label…. bratty submissive. But only the good parts.

And i’ll share some other labels in coming posts that i think would or could also apply too! i wouldn’t want to limit myself to JUST ONE! 😜

Go have a great day…. and mix up someone’s routine by taking their seat today…. it will be fun!!

Hugs ~

Marie

107 – One Year (and a Day) ago.

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One year (and one day) ago, i wrote post #39 about Domestic Discipline – in life. And i think it’s interesting that i was thinking about life, marriage, DD, etc this morning…. one year (and a day) later. So it got me to reflecting back and comparing the past or the present.

So after rereading that blog and i see how things have changed…. AND stayed the same. There’s a lot of both!

Just to make it easy to know what i’m referring to, and without flipping back and forth, here’s a screenshot of how it started……

Starting at the top, if i were to write those same paragraphs now, with TODAY’s opinions (but same gist)….. this is how the post would NOW go……..

i know i almost always talk about our lifestyle with reference to sex…..and spanking….. while that can and sometimes is a big part of it, it really isn’t JUST that. It’s more than that. In fact, it’s a daily activity. It’s something that never stops.

Ultimately i’d say that our Domestic Discipline (DD) life is more about showing respect and kindness than anything else. Especially from me to David, but it definitely goes in reverse too. And while this is something that everyone should do, but people frequently just don’t. (In fact, i think the world could use more of it … but that’s a whole other post altogether!)

Before DD, David would frequently tell me that i don’t “respect” him. i always thought i did, and in fact, i still think that. But now i know what i didn’t do then, but do now, is SHOW it to him. i speak with gentler and kinder words now than i ever did before. Instead of saying things like, “Will you take out the trash?” i now say something more like, “i would love it if you’d take the trash to the garage when you could, please Sir.” That’s not tremendously different, but it IS different. i make a point to let him know how much i would LOVE his help. But i don’t assume i’ll get it. Whereas before, i assumed he would do it so my words were more of a commandment than a question.

And i also ask with a “please.” Because ultimately it is his decision to do (or not) do it and please is the word to ASK for help, rather than just assume it is there. Where before DD, i just expected him to do it and while i’d word it in the form of a question, it was more of an expectation and a command rather than a true question. Now, it is truly a question, and while i am hopeful (and it is probable) that he will help, i know he might not. And if he doesn’t, i have to be ok with his decision too.

Now it’s really in the second paragraph (referring to the screenshot above from a year ago) that i see the biggest differences from then to now. And paragraphs 2 &3 are essentially the same, just more detail really. So here is today’s version…….

i used to say i would be much stricter than Sir. i know that we are really in sync now though… most days anyway. He’s grown in the last year as the leader of our house, and has ultimately gotten stricter. But i have also grown in my submission to him and more accepting of his leadership too. So we have effectively met in the middle! We both know the expectations… and consequences…. quite clearly. And he’s not afraid or shy or otherwise reserved to implement the consequences either.

(i think it’s maybe a tad hard to read all italics all the time, so i’m going to flip back to standard font, but otherwise, simply continuing on…..).

Some (even “many”) DD relationships have written rules. While we have rules, they aren’t written. We don’t have an official contract or signed agreement. While i can certainly see the benefit of this, when we first started this, neither of us knew what we wanted. i’d even say that at the time, this lifestyle was likely more of an experiment than a lifestyle. And while we may have had intentions of it being a lifestyle, it may have been like other things (diet and exercise for example), that you start strong and it fades away. So putting rules or an agreement in place wasn’t really possible, when all we had was a pen and a blank piece of paper in front of us. So you might say we had to experiment a bit first to find the right fit.

And perhaps it was the lack of a contract that has caused us to have a bit of a rocky start too…..where i thought he should be more strict and he didn’t think i even knew what i was asking for. But with or without a contract, in any good marriage of any lifestyle preference, communication is key.

We don’t always get it right…. no one does though. But we do strive to have effective communication always. Sometimes i struggle to find the right way to speak in a submissive tone, especially when i am stressed, angry, or adamant about a topic. This too is a learning process for both of us and likely always will be.

The biggest area of communication that causes the most strife for us typically starts with David speaking to me where he uses words that sound like i have a choice. The problem lies when i can’t tell if it is a true choice or not. Instead of telling me to do something, he might phrase it where it is optional.

For example, if we were to be having dinner out at a restaurant, David might say something like, “I think you need to get ready to go.” Now that’s not too confusing. While worded like a thought or his opinion, it’s really him informing me to go do it. This is especially true if i knew we were having dinner out. But say i was intending to wear what i had on at that moment out, what does that mean now? i thought i WAS ready, but now he is clearly indicating he doesn’t think so.

So now i have worked to communicate, in a respectful tone, my confusion. i’d probably say something like, “Please Sir could you use more direct words? i am not understanding your intentions.”

And he might would then say, “You are dressed too casual for the restaurant we are going to. You should wear pants (or a dress) rather than the shorts you have on.”

Now it’s clear to me. And i will get up and go change. Right then. I’d do it right then because that too shows respect. i find his directive something of importance to be followed RIGHT THEN and he appreciates that. So in this case, actions speak louder than words in expressing my respect towards him.

So back to the contract part…. we didn’t draft one at the start because we didn’t even know what it might would contain. And now, it kinda seems unnecessary. i know the rules. Again, they aren’t written, but like anything in life … you figure out what you can/can’t do or what you should/shouldn’t do. So my rules are ultimately still very clearly me.

i am to: be respectful, use kind words, never assume he will do something just because i ask, make my body available to him when he wants, do not touch myself in a sexual way without his permission, do not assume his body is available to me without asking permission, and orgasms have to be allowed (i have to ask first!) before i do so. And if these things are not done, expect consequences….. or said plainly: punishment…. in various forms, but primarily spanking.

And again, David isn’t afraid to enforce the rules. Nor is he remorseful about enforcing the rules. He will say something like, “You knew what to do. You didn’t do it. You know the consequences. So I’ll administer that now. And it will be over and done.”

Because ultimately, i’d tell you that while he enforces things, it’s the submissive who has control….. control to do as we have both agreed. Or to accept the consequences. i still have a lot of control, even though it may not seem like it at first.

So in reflecting from One Year (and a Day) ago to today…. i’m happy to say this IS a lifestyle, and also happy to say that i am NOT more strict than David. And instead, David is firmly in control. And always prepared to administer punishment if i don’t make wise decisions. And i love my discipline life!

The more things change….. the more they stay the same!

Hugs,

Marie

100 – Stress: N-O-T my thing…

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This week has been so annoying and stressful. i started this post about 4-days ago, and now i an finishing it while on VACATION and relaxing.

It’s always interesting to me when i write something (and don’t post immediately) how when i come back to it, something things have changed…. namely…. my perspective.

When in the midst of a situation(s), frequently it can seem overwhelming and (almost) insurmountable. And even just a mere day later, it isn’t as big of a deal anymore. Oh, a lot of times the “thing” is still going on, but my reaction to it can often be completely different.

And over the years i have learned that when i am stressed and IN the moment…. i struggle to be submissive!

It’s not that i don’t want to be submissive, it’s that i want things to change, improve, drive toward conclusion. And in the middle of it, being submissive seems passive. It feels like i am not “doing” anything to change the result or the answer or the outcome to just …..(be submissive) …… and wait.

Let me just give you some real-life examples of what happened this week… in the moment and the next day…..

EXAMPLE 1:

Big Bang is still problematic! Over 60-days now past the accident, and we still don’t have the completely-totaled-car done and gone. While i was not deemed the “at fault” party in an accident where i was the middle of a 3-car pileup, we had to get our own insurance involved. If it weren’t for them, i still wouldn’t have a new vehicle!

Here’s the players that effected me this week:

A) insurance 1 (the girl at the front who police said WAS at fault),

B) insurance 2 (the guy at the back who slammed into me, causing me to slam into girl at front,

C) insurance 3 (our own insurance),

D) AND insurance 4 (our own GAP insurance). FYI: i has GAP on my vehicle and if you aren’t familiar with GAP – it “fills in the gap” between all the other insurances if/when more is owed than they pay).

So this week i got a call from our insurance (#3) saying insurance 2 is filing a “medical claim” against all other people involved, including us (He was walking and talking at the scene withOUT issue), which upon notice having been given to insurance 1, they are now referring this over to a lawyer on their part. AND because of the “open issues” now too, insurance 3 won’t pay off the loan of the vehicle, causing insurance 4 (GAP) to not be able to do their part, causing me to have excess debt on my credit now!

OKAY – In the moment and the day of …….i went home… told Sir alllllll about it.

And (unfortunately) NOT in a respectful tone, so when i was done, i heard the words, “Do we need to go change your attitude?”

Me: “NO! Spanking my ass won’t make all this better!”

Sir: “oh yes, yes it will!”

[INSERT spanking story and my ass turned red right here!]

The next day…… after i calmed down and had a sore rear end, i realized…. there’s nothing i can DO to make this better than talk to the insurance agents, let them sort it all out…. and wait. So by NOT being submissive, all i achieved was a sore ass! My goal of “doing” something amounted to getting naked, bending over, and accepting punishment.

EXAMPLE 2:

So i started to write a bunch of other examples…. Son’s school, A situation at work, ok so several things at work, and an event planned for our vacation…… but …….

The details don’t really matter.

As i typed away all the details about all my week’s wrongs plus all my efforts to “fix” things… i realized there’s ONE thing they ALL have in common:

i had NO (ultimate) ability to change the outcome!

Oh, yes certainly i do agree, i had some ability… the ability to set things in motion…. call the school and wait for them to take action, talk to employees and set them in action, and to call up the event coordinator and set them in motion too…….

But ultimately….. ALL i had control of was how i responded to the situation!

And none of my actions really drove anything to conclusion, fixed the problem, or changed much of anything.

What DID change was my attitude about it.

The DAY AFTER…. i realized that when i depart from being my submissive-self, ALL that happens is that i cause strife between me and David!

i have to remember this the next time i have a super hard and stressful weeks!

And now… we are onto V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

Hugs,

Marie

Day 11: My Submissiveness

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Day 11: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…ethics of kink?

i think safe, sane, and consenting are three words that should always be a part of every relationship, but especially in a kinky one. And no one should have to compromise those three things. Ever.

Beyond that though, i don’t know if the question was intended the way i am thinking here, but if i were to think deeper….

We have had sex with others. We mostly do it like a swinger situation, with everyone in the same room but not always. i love seeing David make another woman happy. And he typically positions himself where we have eye contact and he stares into my eyes. And he sees my reactions. And on the rare occasion i have had trouble with what i’ve seen, he reads my reactions well and he changes it up to make me happy!

i don’t really remember the last time though that we have been with AnYoNe else…because …well…it’s really been that long ago. We haven’t sworn off others, so much as life just gets in the way. And now given COVID, who knows if-when that might ever happen. And i’m ok with that too.

****** i want to add that after having been a cheated-on wife, and me feeling betrayed…. we NEVER do ANYTHING with anyone else that their spouse isn’t aware. And i KNOW the spouse is aware by talking to them about it too (or they are actually included at the time too). i refuse to be that person who hated when it was done to me… and now would be doing it to someone else! The only exception may be if they have a spouse and didn’t even tell us. Which to date, hasn’t happened, that i am aware of. But if we were to find ourselves in that position, i would 1) break it off with the person and/or 2) go directly to that spouse to tell them what’s happened. Cheating on someone’s spouse isn’t acceptable. (How’s that for ethics?)

Blue Bell Ice cream has a saying/slogan, “we eat all we can, and we sell the rest.” They literally hire employees and say, “eat as much as you want for free. It’s a perk of the company”. Why do they do that? Because before they allowed it, employees would steal it. After they opened it up and embraced it, employees eat ice cream for about a week and the novelty wears off and no one eats (much of) it after that.

So like Blue Bell, we have more or less adopted this approach for our marriage…. you can’t “cheat” on your spouse if you are doing it openly and together. And like everything in a kinky relationship, or really ANY relationship, we have talked about this. As long as we come home together, we enjoy this time together.

Why do we do this? Well… it’s sexy. It’s fun. And in the end, it keeps us together. We completely trust that we will be coming home together and we LOVE each other and spending time together.

i have thought before… what’s the difference between having sex with others with my husband… OR……going to a football game with my husband? Or going to a rock concert? Or playing golf? Or going on vacation together?

If you don’t get too deep into this… (seriously don’t overthink this here…. go here instead! Lol!)….. it is simply spending time together, doing something fun together, and being open/honest with one another.

i am secure enough in our relationship to know that we will always be together, that our love runs very deep, and now with DD we have a way of dealing with things that works when everything seems like it’s not.

So for what it’s worth… i am a safe, sane, and consenting (spanked, submissive) wife. And i’m all good with this!

Hugs,

Marie