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Tag: deep thoughts

17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

A few Deep Thoughts on Spanking… the “just because” kind… or Maintenance… whatever you want to call it.

Whatever you call it, the gist is common and goes like this, “Because I like what you are doing, and I want it to continue, so I’m going to spank you to reinforce that behavior.”

i have to admit this entire concept has been a struggle for me.  If i haven’t done anything WRONG, then WHY do i DESERVE a punishment?  Shouldn’t you just punish the bad and reward the good?

And WHY have i struggled with this?  Okay, so i see a cause/effect relationship between that goes like this:  doing something wrong equals spankings.  Doing what is expected equals NOT getting spankings.

But when there is NOTHING to spank for, but a spanking results, well, isn’t it then …….abuse?  (That is a little word with a HUGE implication!  Trust me, keep reading…)

i probably ought to tell you how idefine “abuse”.  Quite simply, i think it is “unwilling”.  Unwilling to submit, unwilling to agree to be spanked (or any type of discipline), or un-desirable of what is happening…. but if it were to happen anyway…. that would equal abuse.

So how to reconcile all of this?!?  Well today, i changed my attitude about this.

Let me back up just a tad and lay the ground work to tell you HOW i got to the place that resulted in this changed attitude…..

As of late, i’ve had a lottttt to do at work and its caused a lottttt of stress.  Well, when i get stressed, i struggle to submit.  In fact, i struggle to be anything but selfish.  Generally, i don’t treat many people with respect, and certainly not David, to whom i have been married to for 18 years now.

Not that i intend to be “mean” to anyone really, especially David, but just like that phrase, “We take it out on the ones we love the most”, that’s basically what happens for me.   Let me say that this behavior isn’t an out-an-out “bad girl and deserve a spanking right NOW” kind of struggle.  Rather it’s more of a short, snappy, rude, and well, disrespectful responses.  And as an aside, since beginning DD, i’ve actually been LESS rude and LESS inappropriate than it would’ve been before DD.  But still.

So today, i knew i’d gone too far really.  i knew that Sir was being kind to me and letting things slide because of this stress i’ve had.  But, in a way, i’ve abused him (emotionally) by being so mean and so rude and so disrepectful!

Realistically, i knew the answer was to encourage Sir to administer a spanking.  i told Sir  how i think regular maintenance would be good.  It would reinforce the good, discourage the bad….

And let’s face it… Maintenance keeps things running properly.

Even my A/C needs maintenance.  It’s cheaper when the AC company comes and checks on it BEFORE it breaks.  It also creates far fewer of the less-than-desirable hot house days (when it breaks, it would be miserable in Texas!).

So using that same analogy… but applying it to maintenance spankings….. it is far better to reinforce the positive, keep things on track before it has a chance to break, and far less miserable if the ‘bad behavior’ were to NOT happen and cause things would break.

Hence – maintenance is GOOD for my AC and for ME.  🙂

Sir didn’t disappoint.  He prefers the paddle.  So much so, we’ve never used the belt.  i requested that he use the belt today.  And it stung in **the** spot it hit.  The end of it ‘snapped’ at my bottom and stung exactly where it hit.  Unfortunately for me, Sir kept hitting in the exact-same-spot.  So wow, did it really stink!

i debated if it would be out of line to ask Sir to move to a different spot.  But since i already asked for maintenance AND the belt, i decided to keep my mouth shut at this third request in the midst of the spanking moment.

And sure enough, after he was done, he asked me how i felt.  (Glad i didn’t open my mouth in the middle!).  i said, “the maintenance was needed.  i hope to have that happen regularly.  And to the belt, when it hit over and over again in the exact same spot, it stung pretty good and was more painful than the paddle – but only in THAT spot.  Whereas the paddle stings ALL over due to the all over coverage.  If possible, in the future, if you could move around a bit more it would be better.”

To which he said, “First off, you are TELLING me how to administer spankings… and I don’t care for that!  But second, you say ‘better’ if I move around.  Better for WHO?  YOU?”  and he shook his finger at me and continued with “THAT is not your call either”.

But i bet the next time he uses the belt, he will move it around.  🙂

So to maintenance or not to maintenance is the question at hand?    Well, assuming there is a “next time”….for maintenance… or with the belt…..but frankly, i hope there IS a next time.  Because i don’t see this as “ABUSE” in any way because NOW i see the positive and i am willingly submitting to Sir.  And i don’t want to ABUSE him either.  His kindness is overwhelming and i shouldn’t have the ability to use it (to my advantage) to the point that it becomes a way to tip the power/ control in my favor… or inflict mental abuse on Sir.

So i’m pretty sure there will be a next time.

And TO MAINTENANCE is my verdict and final answer.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

15 – “Pain is weakness leaving the body”

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 15 – “Pain is weakness leaving the body”

Sir played in a golf tournament sponsored by the Marines this week.  He came home with a black shirt, in my size, (man’s style, but still…) and he handed it to me and said, “I figured you’d like this.  I got it for you.”

When i looked at the shirt, it had the quote that is the title of this post.  And it made me think about how true it is!  And how it “fits” the answer to “WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE IN A DD RELATIONSHIP?:

Seriously, that’s probably the #1 question i even asked of others when i learned about this.  “WHY” would you want someone else  – another adult – to have the ability to inflict intentional pain on you?

In fact, recently Sir asked me the same thing.  “How is it that you tell me it hurts and want the spanking to end… but when we aren’t ‘in the act’ you tell me how much you like it and want it and need it?  How is it that you want the pain but you don’t like the pain?”

Well, if even David is wondering….. why…. or how …. that i could want and need this… i thought maybe you might be thinking these same things too.  So now it an excellent time to address this.  i hope i do the subject and this blog justice in an attempt to explain it from a sub’s perspective.

When i saw the T-Shirt with this quote on it, i felt it truly defined my thoughts.  i don’t pretend to say i’m a Marine or feel the “Same” pain as them.  i admire and respect ALL military people!  i thank them for the service they have done.  i am myself a product of TWO (Army) parents.  (That’s another blog altogether).

But this quote has seriously spoke to my heart and i think it is the best way to start to explain my submissive nature and just WHY i think domestic discipline and spankings are the way for me/ us.

So let’s start breaking it down — > one-word-at-a-time.

PAIN.   Pain comes in many forms.  And i personally believe that we all feel “alive” with pain. 

Even when you cut yourself, say even a paper cut, and you start bleeding.  That feeling is “pain” but it causes you to be hyper-attentive to that very spot on your body.  And the thought that “how could this slight and small cut hurt THIS much?”  But it makes us feel ALIVE.  

When Sir spanks me, i feel ALIVE.  Yes, it hurts.  But i feel ALIVE.

IS.  Okay, so what can i say about one word?  Well, “IS” is a verb.  It is action.  It is in present tense even.  You have to be IN THE MOMENT.  

Anytime the word “IS” is used, someone is DOING something.  In this case, Sir IS inflicting pain.  

i love being in the moment, doing things together, and being connected…. To David….. To my husband…………………….  To my Sir.

WEAKNESS.  Weakness.  Defined as a “state of condition of lacking strength.”  The weakness, or lack of strength, in this case is with respect to the action that i look that lead to my position of needing discipline.  Maybe i broke the rules, maybe i did it on purpose, maybe i didn’t care about the consequences and did it anyway, but maybe it was just accidental or ‘in the moment’.  No matter WHY the weakness came out, it did.  It showed itself and it exists.  

And the only way to eliminate weakness is to get stronger.  “HOW” do we get stronger?  Well, i suppose it depends on what the weakness is.

LEAVING THE BODY.  Okay, so that’s three words.  i get it.  But these three words can easily go together.  When the pain gets out of the body, the body is left with strength.  Strength to do better, both physically and mentally.  

And in the case of domestic discipline, after a spanking, the pain is literally radiating from my ass with redness and tingling and sensitivity to the touch.

If a discipline is strong enough, the weakness will be eradicated and be replaced with strength.  Strength to do better in the future.  Strength to remember the consequences.  To CARE about the consequences.  To WANT to do better.  And to ultimately, succeed.

And…… i enjoy the process.

The process of being a better person, wife, mom, business woman, and …..submissive…. is worth the pain.  The pain forces the weakness to be gone.  To leave my body.

And what is left is strength and passion and focus on being a better person, wife, mom, business woman and submissive.

i don’t think i’ll ever ‘graduate’ to being able to NOT have earned spankings.  i think there will always be weaknesses that need to be forced out.  i think there will always be a need to reinforce the process of doing good and being the best submissive wife possible.

But i do enjoy the process!

But why spankings and doesn’t it hurt?  and so why submit?

The theory behind all of the above is SO addictive.  But the ACTUALITY of the pain being inflicted by Sir is NOT.  i do NOT look forward to spankings.  i do not cherish the pain.  i do not WANT the pain.

But – when i commit wrong, inappropriate, disrespectful or unacceptable actions, they deserve to be rectified and i deserve to receive the consequences thereof.

Before DD – Sir and i would just get in a fight and ultimately agree to disagree or even have a silent treatment toward one another.

But post DD – Sir has a way to eliminate this undesirable behavior.  And frankly, i don’t LIKE being disrespectful.  It is just rude.  And so now, we have a productive way to deal with that.

So yes, i submit my body and specifically my ass as a submissive way of showing that i deserve discipline and i want to have “PAIN AND THE WEAKNESS LEAVE MY BODY”

Final words:    Yes, it hurts.  Yes, it is pain.  NO, i do NOT look forward to it.

But i do enjoy the weakness leaving my body and i welcome Sir teaching me how best to treat him and his place in our house through productive means.

So THAT is why i think this quote is SO appropriate …….and why i welcome being a submissive to my David ……. and am welcoming of domestic discipline……offering up (literally, up in the air) of my naked ass and being subjected to PAIN through Spankings.

i welcome it all and i welcome the opportunity to feel PAIN LEAVING MY BODY.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. 4 Comments on 9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Hello ~

You may have noticed i don’t capitalize “I” when i speak about me.  i thought this might be a good time to explain why i never capitalize “I”.

In short – Submission at its fullest.

And before you ask, NO, i’m not being “made” to have the lower case i.  This is a choice.  This is my small act of service and gratitude that when i type “I”, i have to stop and think and remember my place.

i learned to type in a class in high school.  And i’m now in my 40’s.  So hitting the “SHIFT” key to type “I” is a natural habit of mine after all these years.  But when i embraced this DD lifestyle, i wanted things to be different.  i wanted change in my life.  And this was my small act that causes me to stop, think, and consider how small “I” am.  And how small i should be too!

Both in the world and in my home life, i am small.  i don’t want to be big.  i don’t want to rule anything, including my house or my family.  i am a Christian and we go to church (most) weeks. i believe God is the ultimate Father and then comes my husband.  But frankly, to neither of God nor my husband do i want to be “BIG” so why would i have a “BIG” letter “I” if i recognize that i am small.

In the bible, Jesus declares himself as the “Great I AM”.  WOW.  What a statement!  Absolutely none of us would think we were as big as that “I”, right?!  So if Jesus/ God are first, and my husband is second, aren’t i just a lower case i?!

Now don’t misunderstand me, i’m not oppressed or forced into this lifestyle.  i do this willingly, including putting the small i in my posts.  In fact, my husband asks my opinion on quite a lot of things.  Or maybe he doesn’t word it like “what’s your opinion on XYZ?” But he often says, “What do you think about XYZ?”  Or “What time will you be home?”.  Now sometimes i’d rather not even have THAT choice, but i understand he can’t possibly make EVERY-SINGLE-DECISION-EVER.

But i have no desire to be a “slave”.  i think there’s some profound differences between slave and sub.  While a slave is a sub, a sub is not necessarily a slave.  And i believe i am a sub but not a slave.  i may one day desire to be there.  In fact, there are facets about it that truly turn me on and maybe as a ‘fantasy role-play’ or a ‘date night activity’ we could try it out, but i’m not entirely sure how anyone can actually live as a slave 24/7.  That seems rather taxing on everyone!

So how do i exactly define the differences between the sub and the slave?  Here’s my official definition – with help from Mr. Webster too  🙂 –

And speaking of Webster –

here’s the official definition of  “Submissive”:

sub·mis·sive

səbˈmisiv/

adjective

adjective: submissive

  1. ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive

And here is the official definition of “Slave”:

slave

slāv/

noun

noun: slave; plural noun: slaves

  1. a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them
    • a person who works very hard without proper remuneration or appreciation.
    • “by the time I was ten, I had become her slave, doing all the housework”
    • a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.
    • “the poorest people of the world are slaves to the banks”
    • a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
    • “a slave cassette deck”
    • an ant captured in its pupal state by an ant of another species, for which it becomes a worker.

So what’s the difference?

A submissive is “ready to conform” – WILLINGNESS

And a Slave is “forced to obey” – (perhaps…) UNWILLING.

While i am completely aware that “Slaves” in this day and age are WILLING and not forced, that’s not exactly my point here.  i think the point here is CHOICE.  And sometimes i have ‘choices’ that i want to make.  A slave doesn’t really have ANY choices.  Right?

Additionally a submissive (sometimes) get permission when they ask, a slave isn’t even allowed to ask.

That’s why i am submissive and not the Alpha or “upper case” i, but i am me.

So what does that mean?  Well, back to where i started…. The lower case letters are inferior or not as important as the capital ones.  But they still have a place and participate in the process.  And Upper Case Letters Start Words, Proper Names and Places, and Denote Significance.  (see what i did with the upper case letters there?!).

Oh – and let’s not forget how the lower case letters always FOLLOW the upper case.  So you might say that i am following I, which is obviously NOT ME.

Additionally, without a “period” at the end of the sentence followed with an upper case letter to start the next sentence, we might not completely be always aware where one sentence ends and the other begins.  So while i don’t really want to ‘stand alone’ and i want to ‘not know where (my husband) ends and i start’ , but frankly, i am not as important.  Right?

So if lower i is inferior to the capital I, then the capital I should be in charge and rule things.  And i believe that is David, and not “i”.  God (and David) can use the capital I, but i’ll chose to use the lower i.  And it’s a constant reminder as i type to NOT hit the shift key first.  🙂

What are your thoughts?  Agree or disagree …. feel free to give your opinions…please just disagree kindly too.

Hugs and Kisses ~