298 – Struggling
i am struggling.
i am thinking about how crazy, silly, absurd, and strange my chastity belt fascination is.
David is out of town. For a total of 5-days, from Saturday (yesterday) to Wednesday. Today is just Sunday, 1-day into his trip. And maybe i am just missing him or maybe i am crazy or maybe i am just being a brat…. but…. i am struggling a lot.
When David left, he told me to put on the old belt, like how i wrote about, where i said within a few short hours it was sooooo uncomfortable that i was able to take it off.
David then said to put on the new belt and only take it off to poop. i did. i put on the new belt.
And it has now been on for 24-hours, minus the few minutes to poop this morning. Things are all good physically, without chafing or stretches or itching, or anything.
But i am struggling mentally.
i told David this whole thing is stupid. Me wearing it, feeling like it’s needed, acting like it is a better way… is all stupid. And that makes ME stupid too.
There’s a reason why most people, in their sane mind, don’t wear chastity belts. Sane people are ….well…. sane.
And i wonder if i am insane. i must be!
Whyyyyy else would i think this was a good idea?!
i told David all this and he said i was just freaking out unnecessarily and this is good for me.
He then proceeded to give me some reasons why i wear this belt….
1) i am more submissive when i wear it. (Which is true actually!). Every time i wear it, my “brat attitude,” evaporates and is replaced with the proper respectful ways.
In fact, last week i smarted off to David and he responded with, “do you have the belt on?” Of course, i did NOT.
2) wearing a CB may be different from other people, but it fits me. Literally and figuratively. He said i need to “just be me.” And i guess that’s true too.
The belt calms me in ways i can’t explain. i know having the control taken away from me is a good thing and helps me to relax.
3) Then he said i ought to blog about this stress i am having, that i would feel better. He was right about that too.
This blog brings me peace. i can’t talk about these INSANE and STUPID things i do with anyone in my real life. But i can talk about and be ME here to you.
And lastly, he said i would be in trouble if i take it off as i do not have permission to do so. i want to take it off, to be “sane.” But, i like what it does for me AND David. And i don’t want my butt to be torn up either.
i’m really not sure i am sane. But that’s ok. Because i am with my Sir, who loves me dearly … just as i am. Insane or not.
So now i am off to bed….. in my belt.
Hugs,
Marie