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22 – WHY did i do it?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Punishment. No Comments on 22 – WHY did i do it?

David and i don’t have many official “rules” to our DD.  But, like any good marriage, we do have some.

WHY do we have rules? 

Well, EVERY marriage has rules… who’s responsible for laundry, dishes, cooking, kids, paying bills, etc.  Maybe they are literally spelled out but they are inherent. It keeps things flowing in the right direction.  Right?

So our DD relationship also has rules.  Some anyway.  Again, we don’t have many, but the ones we have are there for a reason.

What rule am i talking about?

i like to take warm, soaking baths.  When we started this DD relationship, David made it clear to me he wanted me to ASK PERMISSION to take a bath.  Every time.  And i have done that.  Until today.

i just ‘decided’ to take a bath.  Without asking.  Without permission.   And i didn’t really care.  i knew the rule.  i knew i was supposed to ask.  And i just didn’t care.

After math…

So after i got out of the tub, i decided to rat myself out.  i texted Sir (he wasn’t home when i did the deed.)… and the text simply read, “i took a bath.”

And a few minutes later i get a text back that read, “did you enjoy it?”

“Yep”

“But you didn’t ask.”

“I know.  That’s why I’m telling you now.”

“But you knew I’d say yes.”

“True”

What made me do it?

i’m not entirely sure, but after i’ve thought about it NOW,  i can tell you what i think….

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’.
  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.
  • what if today is “the” day he says no?  i didn’t want to chance Sir saying NO, so i decided to do it.  (Better to ask forgiveness than permission?!?!)

Let’s break this down…..

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’. 

Well of course i was.  i was “entitled” to something for me.  Right?  WRONG!  i acted like a spoiled little brat.  And while i didn’t think of it this way when i did it, i certainly now think it probably was a bratty thing to do.  (i never thought i was a ‘brat’ until maybe today.)

  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.

So frankly there’s a lot in this thought.

First:  “He’s going to say yes”.  Okay, so what?  That tells me merely that Sir is trustworthy and consistent.  That shouldn’t be taken for granted.  AND the decision to say yes/ no wasn’t mine to make, it was his.  i’ve previously given him that decision-making-power, and today, i chose to take it back.  It wasn’t mine to take back.

Second:  “Dumb rule”.  Okay, so what.. again?  Even if i think it’s dumb, there’s some reason Sir put it out there from the start, made me think i needed to rat myself out, and David called me out on it today.  Not every rule in life makes sense to me, but like some of those others, maybe they are there for “my own good”.  And maybe i just need to follow the rules and not question them so much.  And i’m certainly not in a position of authority to be able to change them.

So accept them, follow them, and no one gets hurt!

And speaking of “HURT”……

Well, David is still not home yet.  In fact, i don’t expect him home for several more hours.  But my butt is already raw.. not literally , yet anyway.  But i’m WELL aware that it will be.  Just sitting here typing i can already appreciate how sore my butt will be the next time i sit down to do anything.

WHY DID I DO THIS?

i’m not entirely sure, because if i’d thought through everything i just did here BEFORE i’d broken the rule, i’d not be contemplating the soon-to-be-inflicted pain.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

20 – COMPLETELY ANGRY!

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Spanking. 1 Comment on 20 – COMPLETELY ANGRY!

i’ll get right to the point.  i got ANGRY at Sir tonight.

He did something to “help” me, that had i KNOWN he had done it already, i wouldn’t ahve ALSO done it.  ALL he had to do was TELL ME.  But he didn’t.  And that caused me to do about 3 hours of extra work that was duplicating efforts for NO Reason.

He didn’t mean to not tell me.  But he didn’t.

Like everyone, we are all so busy in life, that spending THREE HOURS doing something that didn’t need to be done at all, seems like a complete waste.  And i couldn’t help but think, “all he had to do was TELL ME!”  But he did NOT.

He knew i was mad too.

But here’s where PRE-DD and POST-DD resulted in a VERY different outcome.

Let me tell you what would’ve happened – PRE-DD.

i would have said, “WHY didn’t you tell me?  You KNEW that was important.  If you’d told me it would have saved me a LOT of time!  Seriously, I’m ANGRY at you!”

And he would’ve said, “I did the work.  So I didn’t tell you I did it.  I did it to help you!  It got done!  If you wanted to know, you should’ve asked!”

And me, “It didn’t help me for you to do it if I didn’t KNOW you did it!  And as to me Asking you…. How would I even KNOW to ask – ‘hey, did you do this thing we never even talked about, and I planned to do because I’m responsible for but that you may have decided to do it anyway’ – REALLY???”

And from there – we would have gotten in a fight where he would’ve said things about how i’m not grateful, i just want to complain, that i am always grumpy and nagging, that i always see the negatives.

And i would’ve come back with things like he never takes responsibility for his actions, that he could’ve communicated with me, and now he refuses to see that his failure to communicate is the real problem here, and he should apologize.

And he wouldn’t.

And we would have the silent treatment and sulk and be angry for the rest of the evening!

NOW let me tell you what did happen – POST-DD.

He knew i was mad.  But i just held my tongue.  i said NOTHING.

Until…..

He said, “What?  What do you want to say?”

i said, “i’m not going to tell you what i’m thinking because it will come out ALL wrong and i’ll just end up in the bedroom with a red ass!”

He said, “You are really pretty much there already with that tone! So you may as well speak your mind!” (And his anger was starting to rise, but not ‘quite’ there yet).

i said, “i’m so angry right now, but i don’t want to tell you anything.  And if i’m already headed to the bedroom….. (and i paused and said)…. let’s just go now and get it over with!” (in a fairly angry, about to explode tone, but not ‘quite’ there yet).

Since our son was out of the house at the time, i stripped naked while stomping to the bedroom and just dropped a trail of clothes along the way.

i didn’t look him in the eye, say a word, or acknowledge a thing.

He laughed.  That made me madder!

i put my hands on the bed, spread my legs shoulder-width apart, looked down, and was determined to NOT MOVE!

And he had the paddle already in his hand.  He swung it hard.  It instantly hurt.  But i refused to move!  i didn’t even flinch!

And he swung it again.  Hard again.  Wow.  It hurt.  But i still did NOT move.

A third time and a fourth and a fifth.  i counted.  Not outloud because Sir doesn’t require it, but in my head.

My butt was on fire already!

Is it my imagination or is he swinging harder than ever before?  Does he WANT to make me use the safe word?  — i’ve not used it yet — so maybe this is his time to get it to come out?!

Six.  And i flinched.  But it hurt.

Seven.  And i flinched even more.  Okay, so my butt is on fire.

And THEN – EIGHT –  HURTTTTTTTTTT!  A LOTTTTTTT.  WOW.  That was THE worst yet!  i just know David put more force into that one!   And i almost hit the ceiling – hands came off the bed, legs went perfectly straight – i was standing upright.

He said nothing.

i took about 3-4 seconds to collect myself and i resumed the position.

NINE – OMG – is it even possible to be even MORE painful?  okay, i’m thinking how many more can i take without safe-wording and how much more power is he going to put into the next swing?

Tears came to my eyes.  First time EVER for that!

TEN – Just as bad.

ELEVEN – same as Ten.  My butt is burning and on fire for sure.  how many more?!

TWELVE – Okay, more intense again.  i stood up with tears in my eyes and with a pleading voice squeaked out, “Please Sir, can we be done?”

With that he said, “Are you still mad?”

okay, so i kinda wasssss still mad, but not nearly like before.

And i told him that.  He said, “Do you think you can calm down (the rest of the way) or should we keep going?”

And i responded with, “Yes Sir, i believe i can.  And i’m sorry i got so mad”.

BONUS:

That’s when he put the paddle away, hugged and kissed me, said he loved me and he was happy that THIS was how this ended.  And after that, we talked.  About the original task.  He apologized for not realizing that i didn’t know and not telling me.  He thanked me for not yelling or starting a fight.  He recognized that i held my tongue (mostly) and that the way i controlled myself was significantly better than it would’ve been without DD.

And i thanked him also for working the anger out in a positive way.  i thanked him for the spanking.  For being in control.  For knowing how to use force when needed.  (David admitted that he used more forceful swats tonight than he has ever before). 

So instead of fighting, we talked.  Reasonably and positively.

We both agreed that Post-DD is significantly better than Pre-DD.
We are NEVER going back!

NO fighting.  NO residual anger. It happened, it was dealt with, and the rest of the evening has been pleasant!

And NOW he made me popcorn and brought it to me for me to watch the fall season opener of my favorite tv show!  🙂

(Oh and in case you are wondering – more than an hour later, i’m struggling to sit … my ass is SOOOOO RED!).

Final Score:  

Pre-DD: 0, Post-DD: 1.  Its a WIN for DD!

18 – Red Beans and Rice.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Punishment, Submission. 8 Comments on 18 – Red Beans and Rice.

LONG post – sorry, but hopefully you will understand…. and read through anyway.  🙂

So today was NOT my best day.  And Sir is requiring a blog posting about it “now”.  So here i am, being vulnerable, and telling you how my day has gone.

USEFUL STORY FACTS.

Let me tell you about how my day started…

#1 – our son had a failed attempt to spend the night with a friend last night.  A friend was having a sleep over and at 3:00 am this morning son texted me asking to go get him and bring him home.  The (teen) boys had had a fight and he just wanted to leave.  So i was up earlyyyyy.  And i (basically) didn’t go back to sleep after getting him home and listening to him tell me the “whole story”.

#2 – a friend who lives out of State, who i haven’t seen in 10- years was in town for just the weekend and (after getting Sir’s approval) we agreed to get together this morning.   And i was super excited to get to see her today.

#3 – David was going to church early due to being on technical team and the original plan was that i would drop our son at church, and then go see said friend from there. (i was allowed to miss to go see my friend).

So with that.  i texted David at 8:00am to report the events with our son and to confirm it was okay for our son to skip church also.  Well, like all texting convos, while i was telling him about our son, he was asking me to do some tasks before i left.

He asked that i would rinse the RED BEANS and put them in water to soak.  And if i did that, the beans would then be ready to go when he was home from church, so he would set them to cooking to be ready for tonight’s dinner.

He proceeded to give me explicit directions on EXACTLY what to do to get the beans soaking in the way he wanted them.  This was all via text and between me saying, “yes Sir” i would also write more about our son’s mishaps that occurred overnight and got permission to allow our son to sleep in and also miss church.

So with that,  i went to the shower, dressed, and left the house.  Went to meet my friend.  Off and on texting with Sir about having fun, etc.

And a bit later,  i received a text from Sir that said, “Forget something??” after he had gotten home from church.

Oh crap.  i forgot the beans.  How to respond?  NO WAY i can deny that i didn’t know how to do it.  He texted EVERY step.  

i responded, “Yes Sir.  i did.  i forgot the beans.  i’m so very sorry”.

To which i received a text saying “What ELSE?“

What else?!  Uhmm.  NO idea…. Yikes.

i responded, “i’m not sure i know of anything else Sir.”

To which i received a text saying, “Your Collar?!”

(i have a collar that while it’s not been exactly or explicitly made clear when it is expected to be on or off, i basically “just know”.  And it is basically, “All the time, but especially when leaving the house”.  So i knew this was a time i should have worn it!)

Oh double crap.  i clearly wasn’t thinking about anything Sir wanted or expected when i was dressing and leaving to meet with my friend!

i responded, “yes Sir.  i have failed to wear it today.  i’m sorry.”

To which i received a “Hmm” text back.  Oh triple crap.  NOT good!

Well, he didn’t text again.  And the entire thing weighed heavy on my mind the rest of my friend meeting.  And i texted, “i’m heading home now” at the conclusion of our meeting.

And i got a text back that said, “You need to stop and buy a bag of Red beans.”

“Yes Sir”.

i did.

And with that, Sir greets me and says, “I’m going to take a nap.  We will deal with you after that!”

The waiting continues.  The weight on my mind is NOT alleviated at ALL yet.

After Sir gets up, he says, “Go to the bedroom, take off all your clothes, put ON YOUR COLLAR and wait for me on the bed.  I’m going to order pizza so we have SOMETHING to eat for dinner!”

Five very long minutes later…..

He comes in, with the bag of red beans that i had bought, and says, “You’ve had trouble listening and follow through with tasks today. When I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done.  Now you have to learn a lesson.”

And he proceeded to pour the beans onto the floor, near the wall.   He points to it.  He says “Kneel.  Now.  Put your nose to the wall.  You will be here until the pizza is delivered.”

And he left.

WELL – the first thoughts i had was, “This isn’t as bad as i feared.  In fact, i’m not sure this will be any consequence or punishment at all!”  But that feeling did NOT last long!

The minutes ticked away.  My knees started to feel it.  i shifted my weight from left to right.  i thought, “Wow, that hurt!” but i also felt the beans “move”.  Well, i wasn’t too sure how Sir would respond if he came back and found that the beans were basically NOT under my knees.  So i leaned back, pushed them together in a cohesive pile, and went back to position.

OH MY GOSH.  MISTAKE.  THAT HURT!

And i waited.  My back was starting to hurt from leaning into the wall for my nose to touch.  So now my knees AND my back hurt.

And he came back.  He asked, “How are we doing??”  i had NO real idea how to respond.  i worried that saying i was in pain would seem like a complaint, but to NOT say that would be a lie.  So i opted for the truth to which he responded with, “GOOD!”

That’s when he slipped his fingers between my legs and i squirmed.  OUCH.  That squirm made the beans shift and sent pain through my knees.  He saw the movement and said, “DO NOT MOVE! And don’t even think of Coming!”.  He rubbed my clit and it was wet in an instant.  i always get wet when he touches me.  And then he pushed a finger in my ass.  In. Out.  In. Out.  Deeper in.  All the way out.  Faster in.  Faster out.

My head leaned back.  i could feel the orgasm building.  And he said, “Nose on the wall!  I said do NOT move!” and he pulled fingers out and slapped my ass.  Over and over.  And while it didn’t hurt, it did a nice warm-up too!  And i did not and was not allowed to cum.

And he left.

And i waited.  And the beans shifted.  So i shuffled them back together.  Again.  And IT HURT!  You’d think i’d have learned the first time!  But no, i didn’t.  This time, tears came to my eyes when i made myself get back in place.

45-long-minutes-later, i heard the door bell ring.  i was never so happy to hear that bell!

And just a couple of minutes after that, Sir came in and asked, “Have you learned that you need to remember to do as i ask?”

“Oh yes, Sir, i have!”

“Do your knees hurt?”

“Oh yes, Sir, they do!”

“Good!” (then he told me to stand, gave me forgiveness kisses and hugs) and he also said, “Now get dressed, get a Ziploc and clean up the beans.  Do not throw them away.  Keep them.  i may need to repeat this at some point!  Then take a picture of your knees.  Keep it as a reminder.  And let’s go eat dinner… albeit PIZZA and NOT red beans and rice!”

“Yes Sir”

And we ate Pizza.   Afterward he said, “Now go blog about this.  I want you to remember this! and post the Picture with it”

In case you are wondering, YES, those are my knees in this picture above.  (Sexy, right?! LOL).  And 2-hours later, they are still indented, although not as bad.  And they still sting too!

Red beans will be tomorrow’s meal.  And i hope to NEVER have this repeated.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie