20 – COMPLETELY ANGRY!
i’ll get right to the point. i got ANGRY at Sir tonight.
He did something to “help” me, that had i KNOWN he had done it already, i wouldn’t ahve ALSO done it. ALL he had to do was TELL ME. But he didn’t. And that caused me to do about 3 hours of extra work that was duplicating efforts for NO Reason.
He didn’t mean to not tell me. But he didn’t.
Like everyone, we are all so busy in life, that spending THREE HOURS doing something that didn’t need to be done at all, seems like a complete waste. And i couldn’t help but think, “all he had to do was TELL ME!” But he did NOT.
He knew i was mad too.
But here’s where PRE-DD and POST-DD resulted in a VERY different outcome.
Let me tell you what would’ve happened – PRE-DD.
i would have said, “WHY didn’t you tell me? You KNEW that was important. If you’d told me it would have saved me a LOT of time! Seriously, I’m ANGRY at you!”
And he would’ve said, “I did the work. So I didn’t tell you I did it. I did it to help you! It got done! If you wanted to know, you should’ve asked!”
And me, “It didn’t help me for you to do it if I didn’t KNOW you did it! And as to me Asking you…. How would I even KNOW to ask – ‘hey, did you do this thing we never even talked about, and I planned to do because I’m responsible for but that you may have decided to do it anyway’ – REALLY???”
And from there – we would have gotten in a fight where he would’ve said things about how i’m not grateful, i just want to complain, that i am always grumpy and nagging, that i always see the negatives.
And i would’ve come back with things like he never takes responsibility for his actions, that he could’ve communicated with me, and now he refuses to see that his failure to communicate is the real problem here, and he should apologize.
And he wouldn’t.
And we would have the silent treatment and sulk and be angry for the rest of the evening!
NOW let me tell you what did happen – POST-DD.
He knew i was mad. But i just held my tongue. i said NOTHING.
Until…..
He said, “What? What do you want to say?”
i said, “i’m not going to tell you what i’m thinking because it will come out ALL wrong and i’ll just end up in the bedroom with a red ass!”
He said, “You are really pretty much there already with that tone! So you may as well speak your mind!” (And his anger was starting to rise, but not ‘quite’ there yet).
i said, “i’m so angry right now, but i don’t want to tell you anything. And if i’m already headed to the bedroom….. (and i paused and said)…. let’s just go now and get it over with!” (in a fairly angry, about to explode tone, but not ‘quite’ there yet).
Since our son was out of the house at the time, i stripped naked while stomping to the bedroom and just dropped a trail of clothes along the way.
i didn’t look him in the eye, say a word, or acknowledge a thing.
He laughed. That made me madder!
i put my hands on the bed, spread my legs shoulder-width apart, looked down, and was determined to NOT MOVE!
And he had the paddle already in his hand. He swung it hard. It instantly hurt. But i refused to move! i didn’t even flinch!
And he swung it again. Hard again. Wow. It hurt. But i still did NOT move.
A third time and a fourth and a fifth. i counted. Not outloud because Sir doesn’t require it, but in my head.
My butt was on fire already!
Is it my imagination or is he swinging harder than ever before? Does he WANT to make me use the safe word? — i’ve not used it yet — so maybe this is his time to get it to come out?!
Six. And i flinched. But it hurt.
Seven. And i flinched even more. Okay, so my butt is on fire.
And THEN – EIGHT – HURTTTTTTTTTT! A LOTTTTTTT. WOW. That was THE worst yet! i just know David put more force into that one! And i almost hit the ceiling – hands came off the bed, legs went perfectly straight – i was standing upright.
He said nothing.
i took about 3-4 seconds to collect myself and i resumed the position.
NINE – OMG – is it even possible to be even MORE painful? okay, i’m thinking how many more can i take without safe-wording and how much more power is he going to put into the next swing?
Tears came to my eyes. First time EVER for that!
TEN – Just as bad.
ELEVEN – same as Ten. My butt is burning and on fire for sure. how many more?!
TWELVE – Okay, more intense again. i stood up with tears in my eyes and with a pleading voice squeaked out, “Please Sir, can we be done?”
With that he said, “Are you still mad?”
okay, so i kinda wasssss still mad, but not nearly like before.
And i told him that. He said, “Do you think you can calm down (the rest of the way) or should we keep going?”
And i responded with, “Yes Sir, i believe i can. And i’m sorry i got so mad”.
BONUS:
That’s when he put the paddle away, hugged and kissed me, said he loved me and he was happy that THIS was how this ended. And after that, we talked. About the original task. He apologized for not realizing that i didn’t know and not telling me. He thanked me for not yelling or starting a fight. He recognized that i held my tongue (mostly) and that the way i controlled myself was significantly better than it would’ve been without DD.
And i thanked him also for working the anger out in a positive way. i thanked him for the spanking. For being in control. For knowing how to use force when needed. (David admitted that he used more forceful swats tonight than he has ever before).
So instead of fighting, we talked. Reasonably and positively.
We both agreed that Post-DD is significantly better than Pre-DD.
We are NEVER going back!
NO fighting. NO residual anger. It happened, it was dealt with, and the rest of the evening has been pleasant!
And NOW he made me popcorn and brought it to me for me to watch the fall season opener of my favorite tv show! 🙂
(Oh and in case you are wondering – more than an hour later, i’m struggling to sit … my ass is SOOOOO RED!).
Final Score:
