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39 – Domestic Discipline- in life

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Submission. No Comments on 39 – Domestic Discipline- in life

For all you sex and spanking fans, this will be boring.

For all you Domestic Discipline fans, this might be insightful.

i know i mostly talk all about how our lifestyle revolves around “sex” and sex- related stuff. But it really isn’t just about that. It’s how our lifestyle is.

But i have come to realize that if i were in charge, things would be much stricter than they are. i’m not sure if Sir is just being a “good southern gentleman” or if he’s “shy” to take control or if he just doesn’t want to take control or maybe he just doesn’t think like me.

i asked him about this today and he said, “I don’t think you know what you are asking for.” But i think i do! i’m asking him to lead our marriage, to be the lead of our house, and ultimately me. In exchange, i respect, obey, and submit. In ALL things… sex and otherwise. Seems simple enough to me.

So here’s two examples of what happened just today …. i will tell you what happened AND what would have happened, had our roles been reversed.

Real life Example 1 – what did happen:

We like to play golf. Tomorrow we are going to play together. As of today, i have been braless for exactly one whole week. (Because i got my bras taken away last week when i didn’t have it off at 5:22 pm after work). And i TOLD David “i can’t play golf without a bra. It will hurt too much”

His response was, “hmm”.

Real life example 1 – what would’ve happened if our roles were reversed:

His response would’ve gone like this…. “excuse me? You have a rule that states ‘no bra when not mon-fri, 8-5, and tomorrow is a Saturday! So you have another thing coming if you think you can TELL me you are wearing one tomorrow! So you screwed up twice now… one by wanting to break a rule and two by telling me. Had you asked, I’d probably have understood your request and conceded. But now, you will absolutely NOT be wearing a bra! And maybe next time, you’ll think of how to word that to me in a way that is a respectful tone and in the form of a question with a ‘please Sir’ at the end. Do you understand me?”

And of course, i would be saying, “yes Sir, i am sorry Sir. i was clearly out of line Sir.”

And he would then respond with, “I’m not at all surprised to hear you apologize, but you will now be punished for your indiscretions. Get naked and assume the position.” (And prepare to be spanked, and to be followed up with standing in the corner for an indeterminable amount of time, until I decide otherwise!)

Real life example 2 – what did happen:

At 4:50, i got a text, “when home?” (And just to let YOU know …. today is a Friday and i NEVER work late on Friday’s. i truly believe i “have” to leave on time on Friday’s. i don’t know why, but i definitely have this “thing” about leaving on time on Friday’s).

So my response was, “10-minutes”.

Sir said, “ok, great. Can you stop and buy mozzarella cheese?”

Now the next thing you should know is that David cooks, and i clean. He was home cooking dinner when he sent those texts.

Real life example 2 – what would’ve happened if i were in charge:

“Because you WILL be leaving in 10-minutes, you need to stop to buy mozzarella cheese on the way home. Don’t forget.”

Now i don’t know about you, but the first example seems a bit more extreme to me than the second. But in both cases, i feel that i was disrespectful to Sir and he allowed it. i didn’t mean to be disrespectful, but like anyone, if allowed to do things inappropriate…. we do.

But just like a child, they need to be trained in the ways you want them to be. And if you allow them to treat you with dishonor, disrespect, and no submission at all…. well…. they won’t. And quite often, it becomes “who they are” and the way they do the things they do. And it becomes “normal.”

To a large degree, that’s how i am. We’ve been together for over 20-years (most of it married, but not all), and now, after finding DD only a year ago… my ways are dying hard. And David thinks i “don’t know what i’m really asking for”.

But i disagree with Sir. i think i know exactly what i am asking for and what i truly want. And i told him so too.

He responded with, “I’ll think about it. But you are not in control in the end!”

So we shall see.

Are you submissive? Have you asked for MORE? Did you regret it?

Hugs,

Marie

22 – WHY did i do it?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Punishment. No Comments on 22 – WHY did i do it?

David and i don’t have many official “rules” to our DD.  But, like any good marriage, we do have some.

WHY do we have rules? 

Well, EVERY marriage has rules… who’s responsible for laundry, dishes, cooking, kids, paying bills, etc.  Maybe they are literally spelled out but they are inherent. It keeps things flowing in the right direction.  Right?

So our DD relationship also has rules.  Some anyway.  Again, we don’t have many, but the ones we have are there for a reason.

What rule am i talking about?

i like to take warm, soaking baths.  When we started this DD relationship, David made it clear to me he wanted me to ASK PERMISSION to take a bath.  Every time.  And i have done that.  Until today.

i just ‘decided’ to take a bath.  Without asking.  Without permission.   And i didn’t really care.  i knew the rule.  i knew i was supposed to ask.  And i just didn’t care.

After math…

So after i got out of the tub, i decided to rat myself out.  i texted Sir (he wasn’t home when i did the deed.)… and the text simply read, “i took a bath.”

And a few minutes later i get a text back that read, “did you enjoy it?”

“Yep”

“But you didn’t ask.”

“I know.  That’s why I’m telling you now.”

“But you knew I’d say yes.”

“True”

What made me do it?

i’m not entirely sure, but after i’ve thought about it NOW,  i can tell you what i think….

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’.
  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.
  • what if today is “the” day he says no?  i didn’t want to chance Sir saying NO, so i decided to do it.  (Better to ask forgiveness than permission?!?!)

Let’s break this down…..

  • i was feeling self-indulgent.  i wanted to do something ‘for me’. 

Well of course i was.  i was “entitled” to something for me.  Right?  WRONG!  i acted like a spoiled little brat.  And while i didn’t think of it this way when i did it, i certainly now think it probably was a bratty thing to do.  (i never thought i was a ‘brat’ until maybe today.)

  • i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule?  What does it matter?  Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether.  Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.

So frankly there’s a lot in this thought.

First:  “He’s going to say yes”.  Okay, so what?  That tells me merely that Sir is trustworthy and consistent.  That shouldn’t be taken for granted.  AND the decision to say yes/ no wasn’t mine to make, it was his.  i’ve previously given him that decision-making-power, and today, i chose to take it back.  It wasn’t mine to take back.

Second:  “Dumb rule”.  Okay, so what.. again?  Even if i think it’s dumb, there’s some reason Sir put it out there from the start, made me think i needed to rat myself out, and David called me out on it today.  Not every rule in life makes sense to me, but like some of those others, maybe they are there for “my own good”.  And maybe i just need to follow the rules and not question them so much.  And i’m certainly not in a position of authority to be able to change them.

So accept them, follow them, and no one gets hurt!

And speaking of “HURT”……

Well, David is still not home yet.  In fact, i don’t expect him home for several more hours.  But my butt is already raw.. not literally , yet anyway.  But i’m WELL aware that it will be.  Just sitting here typing i can already appreciate how sore my butt will be the next time i sit down to do anything.

WHY DID I DO THIS?

i’m not entirely sure, because if i’d thought through everything i just did here BEFORE i’d broken the rule, i’d not be contemplating the soon-to-be-inflicted pain.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Uncategorized. 3 Comments on 12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

i have a sister (“Sis”) and her and i are quite close.  In fact, over the 17-years of my marriage to David, he has told me many times over the years that he thinks he is “as married to Sis” as he is to me.  i used to think that was crazy talk and (PRE-DD), i would tell him, “It is what it is.  This is who I am.  You knew that when you married me.  Take it or leave it, but this is non-negotiable and not going to change!”.

And i’d say for the most part, he has taken it as it being ‘how it is’.  We have gone on many a vacations with my sister and/or her kids as well.  They get along alright.  Neither of them think the other is all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips, but they get along well enough that fights don’t break out (too much) either.

But what exactly is the conversation starter to tell your sister, “Hey, I’m now submissive to my husband – yeah, the same one you’ve known for almost 20 years – and no matter what, when, or how he says something, i’ll stop, drop and get spanked at his whim!”?!?

And while my Sis and i talk quite a bit, and we share a lot of TMI with one another too, i had told her (over lunch with just her and me), “Hey, BTW, David and i decided to try a DD relationship”  And she said, “Huh.  Okay.”

And that was that.

i didn’t elaborate. She has asked me since, “So, have you been spanked yet?”  and when i said yes, she said, “Huh.  Did it hurt?”  and when i said, yes, she said, “Huh, what did you do?” and when i told her she said, “Are you happy?”.  That’s when i laughed and said, “i’m not happy i had to be punished, but yes, i am happy”.  And she said, “then that’s all that matters”.

And that was that.. again.

But TODAY – over lunch – was the first time that the 4 of us (David, Son, Sis, and me) were together in the POST-DD environment.

And i didn’t exactly act totally submissive.

Set-up/ Summary so far:  here’s what you need to know:

  • Son knows nothing about anything.  He knows that i defer to Dad on many a topics and decisions, but he doesn’t exactly really know much beyond that.
  • Sis knows about the DD relationship, doesn’t really care one way or the other, but does want it to be something that “makes me happy”.  And it does, so she’s happy about that.
  • David has never insisted that i use the word “Sir”, but he does like to hear it, so i use it regularly but not ‘always’
  • David knows all that i just wrote above, even before i wrote this.

And today, the 4 of us went to a lunch at a restaurant.  Everything was going “okay” until Son started saying he wasn’t feeling well, so we decided to get him to a walk-in clinic and just make sure all is well.

David made an appointment for later today and then said (out loud) to me (where the other 2 could hear):  “Are you taking him to the clinic or am I?”

W*E*L*L – for a split second i thought about the EXACT words that he used.  It was:

  • Phrased as a question
  • Seemed to indicate it was a choice
  • Didn’t sound like a directive or an order

And i contemplated how i should respond.

Old Marie response:    “Well, it sounds like one of us should.  Would you like it to be me?”

New Marie response:  “i will take him Sir.”  (OR) “If you’d like for me to take him, i can Sir”.

And what did i say?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out.

i mean seriously, it WAS a question, it did seem like a choice, and it did not seem like a directive/ order.  Can’t i make a statement without it being ‘wrong answer’??  (i probably could, but it was the attitude that went with the words that i think ultimately was the problem).

Ut oh…. WRONG answer…..

And Sir looked at me with a look of shock on his face, as if to say, “Did you REALLY just say that to me?”  

Before he even spoke, i knew i hadn’t acted properly.

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE is fighting with NEW MARIE.

At this point, OLD MARIE response would be to:  Smile with my very best “i love you honey” smile, with bat my eyes, and seem to indicate i’m asking forgiveness without saying the words.

And NEW MARIE response would be to say:  I’m sorry Sir.  That was really not called for.  (And go to New Marie response above – of “i will take him”)

And what did i do?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out – AGAIN!

i batted my eyes and smiled.

What actually came out of David’s mouth was a stern, “Yes, I’d like you to take him.”

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE decided to give up the fight with NEW MARIE.

New Marie responded:  “Yes Sir”

(YEAH, i got one out of three right!)

And the rest of the lunch was more-or-less uneventful with nothing more being said about that throughout lunch.

i’m not sure if my Sis noticed the slip and the “Old Marie” ways or not.  If she did, she didn’t comment.

THEN WE WENT HOME:

THE VERY MINUTE we got home from lunch, he walked up to me and said, “go to the bedroom”.

i wondered, “what have i done?” but i still complied.  Of course, i’d forgotten (or maybe just didn’t really think much of “old Marie” comments)

He was a step ahead of me, and when we went in, he pulled the paddle out and said, “You aren’t very submissive around your sister! And you didn’t say ‘SIR’ even one time!  Assume the position.”

That’s when he proceeded to remind me of my statements.  And while he doesn’t require “Sir”, we have both gotten used to saying/ hearing it regularly.  i guess not saying it at all was noticed by him, even though i did not notice.

So i dropped all my clothes and bent over the bed with my feet on the floor, hands on the bed, head down, and prepared for a spanking.

And it came.

i don’t quite know how long it lasted but in between each spank, he asked me if i was going to be the “new Marie or the old Marie in front of (my) sister?!”  When i told him “the new submissive, good girl, Marie”, he was pleased.

But he told me, “You can’t pick and chose when to be submissive and when you won’t.  You don’t get it to do it when it makes sense for you and that’s that.”

But he spanked me — hard — and now my butt is red and feeling quite hot and sore.

He said, “if we have to have reminder spankings of how to act or i have to tell you that you can’t see her, i will”.

“NO SIR that will not be necessary.”…. i pray it won’t.

But this was a hard lesson and a hard spanking to take… mentally AND physically!

Why was this relevant?

i didn’t really realize it until i was typing out this blog post, but this was “the first time” i was with my sister, in Sir’s presence also.  i guess i acted a little less-submissive in this company.  i guess i reverted back to the “old Marie”.  Why?  i dunno.  It wasn’t like i intentionally said to myself, “Hey, act like the old you and not the new DD you”.

Some habits are hard to break…. but i intend to keep trying.  i think David wonders “when” will the “New Marie” completely replace the “Old Marie”.  As in, when will we go back to the “old lifestyle” and abandon this new DD submissive style.

i think he wonders when will Old Marie push out her bossy-self onto the New Marie and this will all just be a “time in our lives when…”  And a “it was fun while it lasted” kind of thing?

In fact, immediately after he spanked me, i (self consciously and definitely humbly) said, “Thank you Sir.  For your consistency and observations regarding my behavior and your response.”

He laughed.  When i asked him, “why are you laughing Sir?”

He said, “I’m just waiting for you to regret this DD lifestyle choice and for you to change your mind. (And to let Old Marie take over altogether)”

I asked him, “Do you want me to change my mind?  Do you want to stop doing this?”

And he promptly responded with, “No!  I like this new lifestyle.  But I keep wondering if you do … still.”

And when i reassured him that “YES, i DO like this and i DO want to continue (that i want Old Marie to never resurface and New Marie to always be the new Me!) i think he believes me, but will wonder for awhile yet if “today is the day” that i go back to the Old Marie and abandon the New Marie altogether.

i just have to reassure him that NEW MARIE is here to stay.  This DD lifestyle is obviously not for everyone, but for ME, it really is.  While i’m sure we will fight ‘sometime someday’ again, for now, we don’t (ever) fight.  We used to bicker back and forth, to the point that we’d get annoyed with one another, but now we don’t.  And our son has asked us if we were “getting a divorce” in teh past for hearing us go at each other, but no more.

OLD MARIE is GONE.

NEW MARIE is here to STAY… red ass and all.  And i wouldn’t want it any other way!

Hugs and Kisses ~

9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. 4 Comments on 9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Hello ~

You may have noticed i don’t capitalize “I” when i speak about me.  i thought this might be a good time to explain why i never capitalize “I”.

In short – Submission at its fullest.

And before you ask, NO, i’m not being “made” to have the lower case i.  This is a choice.  This is my small act of service and gratitude that when i type “I”, i have to stop and think and remember my place.

i learned to type in a class in high school.  And i’m now in my 40’s.  So hitting the “SHIFT” key to type “I” is a natural habit of mine after all these years.  But when i embraced this DD lifestyle, i wanted things to be different.  i wanted change in my life.  And this was my small act that causes me to stop, think, and consider how small “I” am.  And how small i should be too!

Both in the world and in my home life, i am small.  i don’t want to be big.  i don’t want to rule anything, including my house or my family.  i am a Christian and we go to church (most) weeks. i believe God is the ultimate Father and then comes my husband.  But frankly, to neither of God nor my husband do i want to be “BIG” so why would i have a “BIG” letter “I” if i recognize that i am small.

In the bible, Jesus declares himself as the “Great I AM”.  WOW.  What a statement!  Absolutely none of us would think we were as big as that “I”, right?!  So if Jesus/ God are first, and my husband is second, aren’t i just a lower case i?!

Now don’t misunderstand me, i’m not oppressed or forced into this lifestyle.  i do this willingly, including putting the small i in my posts.  In fact, my husband asks my opinion on quite a lot of things.  Or maybe he doesn’t word it like “what’s your opinion on XYZ?” But he often says, “What do you think about XYZ?”  Or “What time will you be home?”.  Now sometimes i’d rather not even have THAT choice, but i understand he can’t possibly make EVERY-SINGLE-DECISION-EVER.

But i have no desire to be a “slave”.  i think there’s some profound differences between slave and sub.  While a slave is a sub, a sub is not necessarily a slave.  And i believe i am a sub but not a slave.  i may one day desire to be there.  In fact, there are facets about it that truly turn me on and maybe as a ‘fantasy role-play’ or a ‘date night activity’ we could try it out, but i’m not entirely sure how anyone can actually live as a slave 24/7.  That seems rather taxing on everyone!

So how do i exactly define the differences between the sub and the slave?  Here’s my official definition – with help from Mr. Webster too  🙂 –

And speaking of Webster –

here’s the official definition of  “Submissive”:

sub·mis·sive

səbˈmisiv/

adjective

adjective: submissive

  1. ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive

And here is the official definition of “Slave”:

slave

slāv/

noun

noun: slave; plural noun: slaves

  1. a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them
    • a person who works very hard without proper remuneration or appreciation.
    • “by the time I was ten, I had become her slave, doing all the housework”
    • a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.
    • “the poorest people of the world are slaves to the banks”
    • a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
    • “a slave cassette deck”
    • an ant captured in its pupal state by an ant of another species, for which it becomes a worker.

So what’s the difference?

A submissive is “ready to conform” – WILLINGNESS

And a Slave is “forced to obey” – (perhaps…) UNWILLING.

While i am completely aware that “Slaves” in this day and age are WILLING and not forced, that’s not exactly my point here.  i think the point here is CHOICE.  And sometimes i have ‘choices’ that i want to make.  A slave doesn’t really have ANY choices.  Right?

Additionally a submissive (sometimes) get permission when they ask, a slave isn’t even allowed to ask.

That’s why i am submissive and not the Alpha or “upper case” i, but i am me.

So what does that mean?  Well, back to where i started…. The lower case letters are inferior or not as important as the capital ones.  But they still have a place and participate in the process.  And Upper Case Letters Start Words, Proper Names and Places, and Denote Significance.  (see what i did with the upper case letters there?!).

Oh – and let’s not forget how the lower case letters always FOLLOW the upper case.  So you might say that i am following I, which is obviously NOT ME.

Additionally, without a “period” at the end of the sentence followed with an upper case letter to start the next sentence, we might not completely be always aware where one sentence ends and the other begins.  So while i don’t really want to ‘stand alone’ and i want to ‘not know where (my husband) ends and i start’ , but frankly, i am not as important.  Right?

So if lower i is inferior to the capital I, then the capital I should be in charge and rule things.  And i believe that is David, and not “i”.  God (and David) can use the capital I, but i’ll chose to use the lower i.  And it’s a constant reminder as i type to NOT hit the shift key first.  🙂

What are your thoughts?  Agree or disagree …. feel free to give your opinions…please just disagree kindly too.

Hugs and Kisses ~

2 – WHY Domestic Discipline?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. No Comments on 2 – WHY Domestic Discipline?

So there are a lot of questions that could be asked – what, when, why, how, where – but the one that I think most people would want answered is WHY.

WHY did I CHOSE Domestic Discipline (DD)?  

First off, i want you know, that I DID CHOSE DD.  I was not forced into it.  In fact, if anyone was forced (but of course I like to think ‘encouraged’  was my husband).  I have been talking about being spanked, enjoying being spanked, “why don’t you spank me?”, and “how about i hand you the paddle and bend over and you spank me” for a long time now.  I don’t remember when i first started talking about it, but its probably been over a year ago at this point.

Second, i RESPECT my husband.  But i don’t always show it (at all… let alone properly).  And i decided i wanted to change that.  I tried on my own, but i kept falling short and into old patterns.  It didn’t seem to matter, he didn’t notice, what was the big deal, i am ‘right’ anyway, and enabling myself to justify my actions and behaviors.

I thought about how if our child (who knows nothing of our DD life) were to talk back to me, what would I do? That is disrespect and needs to be corrected.  How would i correct?  Punishment.  Now i was never good at spanking our son, and now he’s too old for that, but punishment of some kind  is in order.  Or else how would he ever learn to control his tongue, temper, or actions?

The question is though, what does “Respect” mean.  And how does one go about showing it to another person.

Well, the bible says women are to SUBMIT and OBEY their husbands.  I kind of realized that it is the ‘submission’ part of the BDSM porn that always always attracted me.    And recently i was searching the internet for words like “submission” and “submissive wife” that i came across DD.  I’d never heard of it before, but the more i read, the more i realized THAT is what i want!

Third – by showing respect, I am humbled.  I am brought back to what God wanted women to do and who He wanted us to be!  I wanted to show respect and honor to my husband, as Head of House and Family, in the way that God had intended.  And the best way to do that, was to SUBMIT to him.

And when I found that DD is literally, just that, submitting to your spouse and recognizing his authority, and enabling him to be the person that God wanted him to be too – i knew i was “IN”.

Yes, that does include discipline.  And quite often that could be in the form of a red, bruised, and blistered ass.  But so be it.  Rules have been established, Respect is required, and disobedience is not tolerated.  It’s simple.

So – Domestic Discipline – works!

And that’s WHY I chose it!

Would you chose it?

Hugs,

Marie