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Author: Marie

13 – Corset Waist Training and sex and spanking, oh my.

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 3 Comments on 13 – Corset Waist Training and sex and spanking, oh my.

Have you done it before? i just started this past week.  Tell me what you think!?

i love it!  It is hot, sexy, and slimming.

And i’ve noticed that Sir LOVES it too!  🙂

i probably should have asked permission to buy it, wear it, and do it in the first place, but i didn’t.  And (probably because he DOES love the look, i got away with the unilateral decision i made! wink,wink!)

PROS:  Hot, Sexy, Slimming. 

Okay, so i already said that.  But let’s expand on that…..

Hot – well – i FEEL hot.  Not heat hot, but “oh la la” hot.

i like being looked at.  i always have.  i live a domestic, suburban lifestyle and looking “hot” isn’t exactly a pro-mom thing.  or a pro-suburban life thing.  Which is probably why i like to show it off and do what i’m not supposed to do!

These things force you to have good posture, which forces your boobs to protrude, which forces you to walk with confidence.  And THAT Sir finds to be hot.  And me too!

Sexy.  Okay, so sexy and hot are kinda the same thing.  But what i’m talking about is the bedroom-sexy here.  Let me tell you what happened….

Sir said i was disrespectful, and i was.  i deserved punishment, that i was just about to receive too.  And David ordered me to the bedroom to “assume the position” (clothes off, feet on the floor, legs spread shoulder-width apart, hands on the bed, head down, and ready to be spanked).

So i did as told.  But – i left the corset on.  Definitely a bold not-so-submissive move, but i was taking a chance with leaving it on, and i did it in a “i dare you to spank me harder if you think i’ve disobeyed this order too” kind of way.  And i waited.

He came in, grabbed the paddle and hit my ass HARD.  (Darn it, i’m not going to get an easy spanking due to looking corset-ready-sexy.  Hmm.)

BUT – alas – that’s when he laid his other hand on the small of my back.  And he said, “You look sexy.  But you are still in trouble.”

And SMACK.  (OUCH!).  So this hurts, but i smiled because i achieved the desired level of naughtiness by keeping the corset on, and he noticed.

And SMACK.  (OUCHHHHH).  But then…..

His hand left the small of my back and i felt it touch between my legs.  (Oh YEAH!)

i flinched because i wasn’t expecting that and that’s when i felt another SMACK. And Sir said, “I didn’t say you could move!”

And his fingers played with my clit.  i tried to stay very still.  But when i’m hit (no pun intended) with sex and spank at the same time, i feel pleasure AND pain, and my brain is racing a mile a minute!  And so is my heart!  And my blood.  And my pussy got wet!

He liked it!  He commented, “i think you are liking this!”

And SMACK. (OUCH again!  Woah, which feeling is DOMINANT in me?!).

But his fingers continued to explore my clit and pretty soon i felt TWO go inside.

And SMACK.  With 2-fingers inside on one hand and the other hand controlling the paddle, that was some kind of sensation!

That’s when he pushed more fingers inside… in fact, his paddle hand dropped the paddle and pushed on the small of my back to hold me in place, while his pussy hand pushed ALL fingers inside me.

He was working towards a full fisting motion.  And it stretched out my pussy and pushed hard inside me.  It got me so wet!  And that’s when i heard, “DO NOT CUM!”  (okay, so is THAT the punishment?!)

We’ve never been fully successful with fisting.  Sir’s hand is large and he says the squeezing tightness of my pussy doesn’t feel good on his hand.  But i think he endeavors to one day get his entire fist into that pussy!  (But today was not that day!)

He pushed me hard into the bed and pinned my neck with his spanking hand so that i couldn’t move while the other hand was jamming in and out of my pussy.  With each “in” it went further and hurt a little more.  A pleasure-filled-hurt though.

After a bit of this, he said, “NOW you may cum” and i did almost immediately.  (Orgasm training is another thing we are working on… another post maybe!).  And the release was amazing!

That’s when David stood me up, put both hands around my neck and from behind me said, “This wasn’t much of a punishment, but i DO LOVE the corset look.  Wear it daily!”  (YES SIR!… Mission accomplished…. hear the theme song in your head… dunt, dunt, du-du-dunt… okay, i’ll stop, but you DO hear it, right?!?!?).

I got away with it this time, but somehow, i don’t think that, corset or no corset, “next time” the punishment really WILL BE punishment.

And Slimming…. okay, well, after those HOT AND SEXY pros, do we really want to talk about any other pros?!?!

– well, maybe just ONE comment – regarding “slimming” – the corset strings are HARD to do up (in the back) by yourself – so Sir is not using his Dominant self to tie me in of his own accord.  And of course, i’d have to have permission to get out of it – but i don’t want to – becuase – well – i find it — HOT, SEXY, and SLIMMING.  (Can you tell, i like it!?!)
And CONS — well – that would just simply be a complete downer to talk about that now –  so we will skip that.  Comment if you really want to hear about the Cons.  😉

So there you have it – i officially wear a corset – and sometimes that’s IT – but the corset is a daily activity now……

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Uncategorized. 3 Comments on 12 – Old Marie fights with New Marie

i have a sister (“Sis”) and her and i are quite close.  In fact, over the 17-years of my marriage to David, he has told me many times over the years that he thinks he is “as married to Sis” as he is to me.  i used to think that was crazy talk and (PRE-DD), i would tell him, “It is what it is.  This is who I am.  You knew that when you married me.  Take it or leave it, but this is non-negotiable and not going to change!”.

And i’d say for the most part, he has taken it as it being ‘how it is’.  We have gone on many a vacations with my sister and/or her kids as well.  They get along alright.  Neither of them think the other is all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips, but they get along well enough that fights don’t break out (too much) either.

But what exactly is the conversation starter to tell your sister, “Hey, I’m now submissive to my husband – yeah, the same one you’ve known for almost 20 years – and no matter what, when, or how he says something, i’ll stop, drop and get spanked at his whim!”?!?

And while my Sis and i talk quite a bit, and we share a lot of TMI with one another too, i had told her (over lunch with just her and me), “Hey, BTW, David and i decided to try a DD relationship”  And she said, “Huh.  Okay.”

And that was that.

i didn’t elaborate. She has asked me since, “So, have you been spanked yet?”  and when i said yes, she said, “Huh.  Did it hurt?”  and when i said, yes, she said, “Huh, what did you do?” and when i told her she said, “Are you happy?”.  That’s when i laughed and said, “i’m not happy i had to be punished, but yes, i am happy”.  And she said, “then that’s all that matters”.

And that was that.. again.

But TODAY – over lunch – was the first time that the 4 of us (David, Son, Sis, and me) were together in the POST-DD environment.

And i didn’t exactly act totally submissive.

Set-up/ Summary so far:  here’s what you need to know:

  • Son knows nothing about anything.  He knows that i defer to Dad on many a topics and decisions, but he doesn’t exactly really know much beyond that.
  • Sis knows about the DD relationship, doesn’t really care one way or the other, but does want it to be something that “makes me happy”.  And it does, so she’s happy about that.
  • David has never insisted that i use the word “Sir”, but he does like to hear it, so i use it regularly but not ‘always’
  • David knows all that i just wrote above, even before i wrote this.

And today, the 4 of us went to a lunch at a restaurant.  Everything was going “okay” until Son started saying he wasn’t feeling well, so we decided to get him to a walk-in clinic and just make sure all is well.

David made an appointment for later today and then said (out loud) to me (where the other 2 could hear):  “Are you taking him to the clinic or am I?”

W*E*L*L – for a split second i thought about the EXACT words that he used.  It was:

  • Phrased as a question
  • Seemed to indicate it was a choice
  • Didn’t sound like a directive or an order

And i contemplated how i should respond.

Old Marie response:    “Well, it sounds like one of us should.  Would you like it to be me?”

New Marie response:  “i will take him Sir.”  (OR) “If you’d like for me to take him, i can Sir”.

And what did i say?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out.

i mean seriously, it WAS a question, it did seem like a choice, and it did not seem like a directive/ order.  Can’t i make a statement without it being ‘wrong answer’??  (i probably could, but it was the attitude that went with the words that i think ultimately was the problem).

Ut oh…. WRONG answer…..

And Sir looked at me with a look of shock on his face, as if to say, “Did you REALLY just say that to me?”  

Before he even spoke, i knew i hadn’t acted properly.

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE is fighting with NEW MARIE.

At this point, OLD MARIE response would be to:  Smile with my very best “i love you honey” smile, with bat my eyes, and seem to indicate i’m asking forgiveness without saying the words.

And NEW MARIE response would be to say:  I’m sorry Sir.  That was really not called for.  (And go to New Marie response above – of “i will take him”)

And what did i do?

Yep, you guessed it – OLD MARIE – came out – AGAIN!

i batted my eyes and smiled.

What actually came out of David’s mouth was a stern, “Yes, I’d like you to take him.”

And here’s another moment where OLD MARIE decided to give up the fight with NEW MARIE.

New Marie responded:  “Yes Sir”

(YEAH, i got one out of three right!)

And the rest of the lunch was more-or-less uneventful with nothing more being said about that throughout lunch.

i’m not sure if my Sis noticed the slip and the “Old Marie” ways or not.  If she did, she didn’t comment.

THEN WE WENT HOME:

THE VERY MINUTE we got home from lunch, he walked up to me and said, “go to the bedroom”.

i wondered, “what have i done?” but i still complied.  Of course, i’d forgotten (or maybe just didn’t really think much of “old Marie” comments)

He was a step ahead of me, and when we went in, he pulled the paddle out and said, “You aren’t very submissive around your sister! And you didn’t say ‘SIR’ even one time!  Assume the position.”

That’s when he proceeded to remind me of my statements.  And while he doesn’t require “Sir”, we have both gotten used to saying/ hearing it regularly.  i guess not saying it at all was noticed by him, even though i did not notice.

So i dropped all my clothes and bent over the bed with my feet on the floor, hands on the bed, head down, and prepared for a spanking.

And it came.

i don’t quite know how long it lasted but in between each spank, he asked me if i was going to be the “new Marie or the old Marie in front of (my) sister?!”  When i told him “the new submissive, good girl, Marie”, he was pleased.

But he told me, “You can’t pick and chose when to be submissive and when you won’t.  You don’t get it to do it when it makes sense for you and that’s that.”

But he spanked me — hard — and now my butt is red and feeling quite hot and sore.

He said, “if we have to have reminder spankings of how to act or i have to tell you that you can’t see her, i will”.

“NO SIR that will not be necessary.”…. i pray it won’t.

But this was a hard lesson and a hard spanking to take… mentally AND physically!

Why was this relevant?

i didn’t really realize it until i was typing out this blog post, but this was “the first time” i was with my sister, in Sir’s presence also.  i guess i acted a little less-submissive in this company.  i guess i reverted back to the “old Marie”.  Why?  i dunno.  It wasn’t like i intentionally said to myself, “Hey, act like the old you and not the new DD you”.

Some habits are hard to break…. but i intend to keep trying.  i think David wonders “when” will the “New Marie” completely replace the “Old Marie”.  As in, when will we go back to the “old lifestyle” and abandon this new DD submissive style.

i think he wonders when will Old Marie push out her bossy-self onto the New Marie and this will all just be a “time in our lives when…”  And a “it was fun while it lasted” kind of thing?

In fact, immediately after he spanked me, i (self consciously and definitely humbly) said, “Thank you Sir.  For your consistency and observations regarding my behavior and your response.”

He laughed.  When i asked him, “why are you laughing Sir?”

He said, “I’m just waiting for you to regret this DD lifestyle choice and for you to change your mind. (And to let Old Marie take over altogether)”

I asked him, “Do you want me to change my mind?  Do you want to stop doing this?”

And he promptly responded with, “No!  I like this new lifestyle.  But I keep wondering if you do … still.”

And when i reassured him that “YES, i DO like this and i DO want to continue (that i want Old Marie to never resurface and New Marie to always be the new Me!) i think he believes me, but will wonder for awhile yet if “today is the day” that i go back to the Old Marie and abandon the New Marie altogether.

i just have to reassure him that NEW MARIE is here to stay.  This DD lifestyle is obviously not for everyone, but for ME, it really is.  While i’m sure we will fight ‘sometime someday’ again, for now, we don’t (ever) fight.  We used to bicker back and forth, to the point that we’d get annoyed with one another, but now we don’t.  And our son has asked us if we were “getting a divorce” in teh past for hearing us go at each other, but no more.

OLD MARIE is GONE.

NEW MARIE is here to STAY… red ass and all.  And i wouldn’t want it any other way!

Hugs and Kisses ~

11 – Double Date with BFF’s

Written by Marie on . Posted in Marriage, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 11 – Double Date with BFF’s

Sir and i went out on a double date last night with our BFF’s.  They are married and we met because our children were in kinder together (at a private Christian school no less!).  We have always had a mutual attraction, but never reallyyyyyyy acted on it.

First the backstory…

So our kids were in kindergarten and as you stand outside the classroom door, you get to know one another’s faces, as the school year drones on you say hello, and it takes off from there.

i’ve always thought she was hot.  She is probably **the** reason i wanted to kiss a woman.  But she is the elusive, flirty, look-but-do-NOT-touch, type.  When i am with her, i find myself with loads of JOY.  So i’ll call her “Joy” from now on.

Joy is one of those women who is older and wiser than her actual years. In fact, i’m about 10-years older than her, but to talk to us, you’d have NO idea that she wasn’t older than me.  She’s done more things, been to more places, and seen more wilder things that i’ve even dared to think about.  At least, so she says.

She and i quickly became BFF’s as our sons also became BFF’s.  It was convenient!  And we confided in one another about everything – i think.  i say ‘i think’ because the longer i know her (going on 10-years now!) the more i “find out” that she hadn’t told me before. Which isn’t bad, just eye opening in a “oh, i didn’t know THAT,” kind of way.

But because we talk openly, we talk about EVERYTHING.  She once told me that “if we weren’t married to our husbands, we would  make the perfect couple and i’d ask you to marry me!” and she was serious.  And what’s more, i pretty much agreed with her too!

We hung out, texted, called each other A LOT.  She started calling me, “HER MARIE”.  And told her husband that “When I’m with MY Marie, you have to take a backseat.  I’ll always come home to you, but she comes first!” WOW.  Bold.  (She’s NOT a submissive!)

Our husbands began to be friends too, because we would coordinate double-dates, just so that they were included but really, it was so we could be together too.

But that’s as far as it’s ever gone sexually too…… mostly anyway.

SEXTING with Joy.

She loves to sext me.  Joy brings a smile to my face when she sends me naughty pictures and asks for some in return.  She tells me she’s been with women before and loved it, but that her husband didn’t think it was ‘right’.  i’ve decided i think that was simply an ‘excuse’ to tell me so that she wouldn’t have to get naked in front of me, in person, and let me have my way with her (and vice versa).

Joy has sent me all sorts of naked porn and seductively dressed pictures.  i think she knows i’d love to taste her.  And that’s likely why when we are together, she flirts (heavily) but because we are ALWAYS in public, it would never go further than flirting.

Joy’s husband.

Let me tell you a bit about Joy’s husband.  Most of which is second-hand knowledge from Joy, because of course, i talk to Joy wayyyyy more than i do her husband.

Her husband is manly in that he works out, he’s done an Iron Man challenge, and he’s fit.  She says it is all for show though.  She says that on the inside, he is very much a puppy dog and does what she wants.  She likes to “be on top” but she also likes to “top from the bottom”. Maybe she’s a switch and ultimately not just a dominant or a submissive!

She hands him devices and tells him to use them. Once she and i went to a girl’s night out and she told me that she “put his cock in a cage, took the key (with her to our girl’s night), and told him to expect sexy pictures from us all night while we were out.” And then she laughed and told me, “he likes it! And I like being in control!”.

And then she proceeded to tell me that she/i would take turns going to the bathroom taking naughty pictures and sending them to him.  And we did.  But of course, we didn’t do this “together”.

So because he is physically fit (The Iron Man Challenge!) and he loves Iron on his cock apparently too, i’m going to call him “IRON” from now on.  So Joy and Iron are happily married with her telling him what to do… and in some ways.. telling me what to do too.

Fantasy date nights.

Joy has told me she wanted us to set up a date with each of our husbands, at separate restaurants, but on the same day and time.  They would think they were going to dinner with their wife. But THEN when it came time to go out, we would tell them we had to drive separate cars (not sure how i’d have ever managed to convince Sir that while we are going to the same place, we have to drive separate cars!?).

And each of her/i would go to the “other husband’s” restaurant.  And act, look, talk as if we are married to that husband.  So she would go meet Sir and i would go meet Iron.  And when we were together with the other one’s husband, we would touch, kiss, and ‘act married’ to that one.

We’ve never actually done that because at the time she suggested it, i wasn’t too sure how much Iron and i would actually have in common or what we would ‘do’ or talk about.  And frankly, i was a bit worried that Iron would just get mad. David would likely be turned on and think it hot, but i wasn’t certain of that either.

SATURDAY REAL DATE NIGHT.

Last night Joy and Iron, and myself and Sir went to dinner and drinks altogether on a double-date. We went to a nice steak house and ate dinner, drank two bottles of wine, and went to the cigar room in the restaurant for a cocktail after that.  (i was drunk off my ass!)

When i get drunk, i get horny.  Okay, so i get horny pretty much anytime David is around, but still… it’s magnified when i’m drunk.  Okay, maybe not magnified at all… maybe just that i tell him more… i become more aggressive about it!

And at dinner, i was sitting next to Sir and put my hand on his leg.  i started rubbing his leg in a “i’m thinking of you” and “i love you” and a “massage” kind of way.  He seemed to like it.

And the drunker i got, the more bold i got.  i moved my hand up to his crotch and started rubbing on his cock.  i could feel it responding.  i could tell he liked it.

But that’s when he grabbed my hand, put it on my own leg, and said, “STOP!  You didn’t ask permission to touch my leg, let alone my cock!”.

i cringed. Ouch, that kinda hurt my ego.

And i whispered, “may i please touch your cock Sir?”  into his ear.

He said, “NO.  You should’ve asked first.  But you didn’t.  So you lost that privilege!”

Joy was observant though and noticed this exchange.  She looked at me and said, “are you okay?”

i said, “oh yes, i’m in trouble though.  i didn’t ask permission.”

And Sir said, “Most definitely in trouble!”

Joy said, “Didn’t ask permission for what?”

Sir said, “Tell her!” Despite texting and sexting a lot with Joy, i hadn’t told her about this new submissive dynamic we had now.

Me, “For touching his cock without permission.” And i looked down.

Joy laughed and said, “i hope the punishment fits the crime” and she winked.  i think she thinks i was in a ‘play/ fun kind of trouble’ and frankly, i wasn’t sure if she was right or not.  i’d have to wait and see.

Cigar room fun.

Have you ever smoked a cigar?  It creates a natural high from the nicotine.  So combine alcohol, cigar high, and horny-ness (is that a word?) together and what do you get?

i got Joy sitting in my lap and proclaiming how happy she was to have “Her Marie” now.

That’s when Sir said, “kiss her”.

i wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or Joy, but it could be interchangeable.  So she leaned in and pecked me on the lips.

Sir said, “That wasn’t much of a kiss”.

And she leaned in and KISSED ME.  i tasted her tongue.  i felt the heat between us.  i wanted more.  So i asked her if David could take our picture while we did that again.  She laughed and said, “sure.”  So i got to kiss her again.  And i got a picture too.  🙂

But … alas… that was it.  Done.  No more.  That was all she wrote.

Really?!  i was left feeling teased on a whole new level.

MAYBE NEXT TIME.

Sir said we should start having more double date nights.  And the next one maybe should be closer to home.  And maybe the one after that, we could come back to our home.  And maybe the one after THAT, he’d order me naked as soon as we hit the house and he would “strongly suggest” (because she would probably listen to Sir, but still want to be in control) that she use a toy on me.  And then the NEXT time, he’d tell me to lick her pussy until she came. And then…. and then…..

And that’s maybe when she’d let Iron out of his cage to play also.

Maybe.

One can hope.

One day.

One date.

Soon.

Maybe.

Or maybe not!

Hugs ~

Marie

10 – Focus already! … Red ass indeed

Written by Marie on . Posted in Spanking, Uncategorized. 1 Comment on 10 – Focus already! … Red ass indeed

So David came home from his work-travel trip this week.  And at the conclusion of our at-home family dinner he said very calmly and appropriately to me, “Go make yourself ready.  Be prepared to tell me about your Transgressions.”

Well, i knew.   But in my head i thought, “our son is home.  Surely he won’t do anything while our son is home and awake and can hear.  Maybe he didn’t mean ready for spanking, but maybe ready for bed?!”  So I brushed my teeth.

Oops!  Boy was i wrong!  He came in and said, “Getting ready means brushing your teeth?!?!?” and i calmly responded, “Getting ready for bed does.”  And he said, “do NOT test me!” (Ok, he was right. i knew. Even you knew. Right?!?)

So i stopped and dropped.  My pants, panties, shirt, bra.  Everything.  And i calmly walked to the edge of the bed and placed my hands on the bed, with my feet firmly on the floor.  He makes a point to tell me that my “heels are to remain on the floor at all times.”  i almost never succeed in this, but i can keep trying!

As i waited for what came next, i felt his hand come up under my arm.  He had recently bought some of the mini sized clothes pins.  And he pinched them open and applied one to each nipple.  And that’s when he got out the flogger.  He hit me firmly with it exactly 5 times.  It made a LOT of noise.  i feared our son would hear.  But if he did, he didn’t say anything.  And between each swat, i had to tell him another Transgression.

Then he stood me up, thanked me for all that i had done right, forgave me for all that was not done correct, and all was forgiven.  But the clothes pins were to stay for awhile longer as a reminder.

About an hour later, my nipples were swollen and throbbing, but i didn’t dare say a word.  i did fear he’d maybe forgotten.  But he had not and he finally relented and took them off.  And OH-HOLY-HELL when they came off, the rush of blood back into the nipple caused some immediate pain!  And then it subsided almost as fast.  But wow, i wasn’t expecting that!

i was relieved that was all there was.  And then we went to sleep.

That was 2-days ago.

Then yesterday.  i was struggling to focus at all, on anything, at work yesterday.  So i gave up at 3p and went home.  When i got home, he was there as he frequently works from home.  He asked me why i was home so i told him (the truth!) about being unable to focus.

And that’s when he said, “Go to the bedroom.”  And i did.  And i stripped.  i prepared myself. This time to be spanked and not brushing my teeth! 😉

When he came in, he asked me if i knew why i was there.  i responded with “i was unable to focus today and i need a mind readjustment.” He said, “very good.  You were able to focus on that.  Let’s see if you can focus on this.”  And i felt the paddle come down …. hard… on my ass.

My ankles left the floor.  And he fussed at me and then placed his foot on top of the arch of my foot, with a hand on the small of my back to force my feet (and heels) to stay down also.

He said, “You will respond with ‘i will focus’ between each swat.  Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir”.

SWAT.

“i will focus”

SWAT.

“i WILL focus”

SWAT.

“i PROMISE i WILL FOCUS!”

Him:  “Are you sure?  REALLY sure?”

SWAT.

“Yes Sir.  i WILL FOCUS!”

Him: “Not good enough”

SWAT!

“i will focus”.  This is where the tears were welling up in my eyes.  But he didn’t know that as my head was down and not facing him.  i know he HAD to have heard it in my cracking voice though.

He cared, but not enough to stop.  He hadn’t driven home his point yet.

This continued for a total of somewhere around 15 swats.  i’m not really sure, because i was simply FOCUSED on saying, “i will focus” and attempting (and failing!) to keep my ankles on the floor.

And with that, he said, “Let’s see how much you are really ready to focus.  I’m sure there are emails you’ve neglected today in your lack of focus.  Go answer emails now.”

i didn’t put on a single stitch of clothing.  He didn’t say “Get dressed and then go answer emails”  instead, i heard exactly what he said, “GO ANSWER EMAILS NOW.” That meant “FOCUS on exactly what I said and GO NOW!” and do not stop or pass go or collect $200.  So i did.

And i started up my laptop.  i opened email.  And i more-or-less just sat there.  i just wasn’t feeling the focus at all … still…

At least i can say i was trying to focus, which was more than i could say i’d done earlier in the day.  But still, not really focused!

And he noticed.

BACK TO THE BEDROOM.  NOW.

Here we go again.  Oh yikes!  Really, WHY did i do this to myself?  i didn’t really set out to do this, it ‘just happened.’

And i assumed the position.  i wondered how my ass was going to take this and if he’d show mercy on me.  He did not.

SWAT.

“i will focus”

Him:  “Really?  That’s what you said last time.  Not even 20 minutes ago!”

SWAT

“i will focus”

Him: “WHEN?  Today or tomorrow? What is it going to take Marie?”

SWAT

“i will focus”

SWAT

“i will focus”

Him:  “Ready to truly focus?”

SWAT

“i will focus.  Yes Sir, i am.”

SWAT

“i really am ready to focus Sir.”

Again, i know it was around 10 total, but i wasn’t even focused on counting. He stood me up and said, “i want you to go set an alarm for 15-minutes.  Do NOT get distracted by ANYTHING and read and respond to as many emails as you can in that time.  I’m telling you again – Do NOT get distracted!”

“Yes Sir”

And i did!  i succeeded this time!

i deserved a red ass

i really did.  i know i did.  i was not focused – on anything including being spanked and his attempts to help me RE-focus – and accomplished very little beforehand.  But i did certainly want to please Sir and i wanted to focus.  He definitely helped me to shut out the world, all the distractions, and FOCUS on one thing – my ass – okay, maybe a few things – the words, “i will focus” and pleasing my Sir.

Today my butt is sore.  But my mind is FOCUSED.

While i needed to focus yesterday, today i’m reminded as my butt is a bit sore overall.  i looked in the mirror and saw a couple of bruises.  i suppose i deserved that too.  i hope i can stay focused and not have to have a repeat of this session…. i suspect next time it would be even worse!

Hugs ~

Marie

9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Deep Thoughts, Submission. 4 Comments on 9 – Why do i never capitalize i?

Hello ~

You may have noticed i don’t capitalize “I” when i speak about me.  i thought this might be a good time to explain why i never capitalize “I”.

In short – Submission at its fullest.

And before you ask, NO, i’m not being “made” to have the lower case i.  This is a choice.  This is my small act of service and gratitude that when i type “I”, i have to stop and think and remember my place.

i learned to type in a class in high school.  And i’m now in my 40’s.  So hitting the “SHIFT” key to type “I” is a natural habit of mine after all these years.  But when i embraced this DD lifestyle, i wanted things to be different.  i wanted change in my life.  And this was my small act that causes me to stop, think, and consider how small “I” am.  And how small i should be too!

Both in the world and in my home life, i am small.  i don’t want to be big.  i don’t want to rule anything, including my house or my family.  i am a Christian and we go to church (most) weeks. i believe God is the ultimate Father and then comes my husband.  But frankly, to neither of God nor my husband do i want to be “BIG” so why would i have a “BIG” letter “I” if i recognize that i am small.

In the bible, Jesus declares himself as the “Great I AM”.  WOW.  What a statement!  Absolutely none of us would think we were as big as that “I”, right?!  So if Jesus/ God are first, and my husband is second, aren’t i just a lower case i?!

Now don’t misunderstand me, i’m not oppressed or forced into this lifestyle.  i do this willingly, including putting the small i in my posts.  In fact, my husband asks my opinion on quite a lot of things.  Or maybe he doesn’t word it like “what’s your opinion on XYZ?” But he often says, “What do you think about XYZ?”  Or “What time will you be home?”.  Now sometimes i’d rather not even have THAT choice, but i understand he can’t possibly make EVERY-SINGLE-DECISION-EVER.

But i have no desire to be a “slave”.  i think there’s some profound differences between slave and sub.  While a slave is a sub, a sub is not necessarily a slave.  And i believe i am a sub but not a slave.  i may one day desire to be there.  In fact, there are facets about it that truly turn me on and maybe as a ‘fantasy role-play’ or a ‘date night activity’ we could try it out, but i’m not entirely sure how anyone can actually live as a slave 24/7.  That seems rather taxing on everyone!

So how do i exactly define the differences between the sub and the slave?  Here’s my official definition – with help from Mr. Webster too  🙂 –

And speaking of Webster –

here’s the official definition of  “Submissive”:

sub·mis·sive

səbˈmisiv/

adjective

adjective: submissive

  1. ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive

And here is the official definition of “Slave”:

slave

slāv/

noun

noun: slave; plural noun: slaves

  1. a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them
    • a person who works very hard without proper remuneration or appreciation.
    • “by the time I was ten, I had become her slave, doing all the housework”
    • a person who is excessively dependent upon or controlled by something.
    • “the poorest people of the world are slaves to the banks”
    • a device, or part of one, directly controlled by another.
    • “a slave cassette deck”
    • an ant captured in its pupal state by an ant of another species, for which it becomes a worker.

So what’s the difference?

A submissive is “ready to conform” – WILLINGNESS

And a Slave is “forced to obey” – (perhaps…) UNWILLING.

While i am completely aware that “Slaves” in this day and age are WILLING and not forced, that’s not exactly my point here.  i think the point here is CHOICE.  And sometimes i have ‘choices’ that i want to make.  A slave doesn’t really have ANY choices.  Right?

Additionally a submissive (sometimes) get permission when they ask, a slave isn’t even allowed to ask.

That’s why i am submissive and not the Alpha or “upper case” i, but i am me.

So what does that mean?  Well, back to where i started…. The lower case letters are inferior or not as important as the capital ones.  But they still have a place and participate in the process.  And Upper Case Letters Start Words, Proper Names and Places, and Denote Significance.  (see what i did with the upper case letters there?!).

Oh – and let’s not forget how the lower case letters always FOLLOW the upper case.  So you might say that i am following I, which is obviously NOT ME.

Additionally, without a “period” at the end of the sentence followed with an upper case letter to start the next sentence, we might not completely be always aware where one sentence ends and the other begins.  So while i don’t really want to ‘stand alone’ and i want to ‘not know where (my husband) ends and i start’ , but frankly, i am not as important.  Right?

So if lower i is inferior to the capital I, then the capital I should be in charge and rule things.  And i believe that is David, and not “i”.  God (and David) can use the capital I, but i’ll chose to use the lower i.  And it’s a constant reminder as i type to NOT hit the shift key first.  🙂

What are your thoughts?  Agree or disagree …. feel free to give your opinions…please just disagree kindly too.

Hugs and Kisses ~