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Tag: theory

17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

Written by Marie on . Posted in Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 17 – To Maintenance or Not to Maintenance?

A few Deep Thoughts on Spanking… the “just because” kind… or Maintenance… whatever you want to call it.

Whatever you call it, the gist is common and goes like this, “Because I like what you are doing, and I want it to continue, so I’m going to spank you to reinforce that behavior.”

i have to admit this entire concept has been a struggle for me.  If i haven’t done anything WRONG, then WHY do i DESERVE a punishment?  Shouldn’t you just punish the bad and reward the good?

And WHY have i struggled with this?  Okay, so i see a cause/effect relationship between that goes like this:  doing something wrong equals spankings.  Doing what is expected equals NOT getting spankings.

But when there is NOTHING to spank for, but a spanking results, well, isn’t it then …….abuse?  (That is a little word with a HUGE implication!  Trust me, keep reading…)

i probably ought to tell you how idefine “abuse”.  Quite simply, i think it is “unwilling”.  Unwilling to submit, unwilling to agree to be spanked (or any type of discipline), or un-desirable of what is happening…. but if it were to happen anyway…. that would equal abuse.

So how to reconcile all of this?!?  Well today, i changed my attitude about this.

Let me back up just a tad and lay the ground work to tell you HOW i got to the place that resulted in this changed attitude…..

As of late, i’ve had a lottttt to do at work and its caused a lottttt of stress.  Well, when i get stressed, i struggle to submit.  In fact, i struggle to be anything but selfish.  Generally, i don’t treat many people with respect, and certainly not David, to whom i have been married to for 18 years now.

Not that i intend to be “mean” to anyone really, especially David, but just like that phrase, “We take it out on the ones we love the most”, that’s basically what happens for me.   Let me say that this behavior isn’t an out-an-out “bad girl and deserve a spanking right NOW” kind of struggle.  Rather it’s more of a short, snappy, rude, and well, disrespectful responses.  And as an aside, since beginning DD, i’ve actually been LESS rude and LESS inappropriate than it would’ve been before DD.  But still.

So today, i knew i’d gone too far really.  i knew that Sir was being kind to me and letting things slide because of this stress i’ve had.  But, in a way, i’ve abused him (emotionally) by being so mean and so rude and so disrepectful!

Realistically, i knew the answer was to encourage Sir to administer a spanking.  i told Sir  how i think regular maintenance would be good.  It would reinforce the good, discourage the bad….

And let’s face it… Maintenance keeps things running properly.

Even my A/C needs maintenance.  It’s cheaper when the AC company comes and checks on it BEFORE it breaks.  It also creates far fewer of the less-than-desirable hot house days (when it breaks, it would be miserable in Texas!).

So using that same analogy… but applying it to maintenance spankings….. it is far better to reinforce the positive, keep things on track before it has a chance to break, and far less miserable if the ‘bad behavior’ were to NOT happen and cause things would break.

Hence – maintenance is GOOD for my AC and for ME.  🙂

Sir didn’t disappoint.  He prefers the paddle.  So much so, we’ve never used the belt.  i requested that he use the belt today.  And it stung in **the** spot it hit.  The end of it ‘snapped’ at my bottom and stung exactly where it hit.  Unfortunately for me, Sir kept hitting in the exact-same-spot.  So wow, did it really stink!

i debated if it would be out of line to ask Sir to move to a different spot.  But since i already asked for maintenance AND the belt, i decided to keep my mouth shut at this third request in the midst of the spanking moment.

And sure enough, after he was done, he asked me how i felt.  (Glad i didn’t open my mouth in the middle!).  i said, “the maintenance was needed.  i hope to have that happen regularly.  And to the belt, when it hit over and over again in the exact same spot, it stung pretty good and was more painful than the paddle – but only in THAT spot.  Whereas the paddle stings ALL over due to the all over coverage.  If possible, in the future, if you could move around a bit more it would be better.”

To which he said, “First off, you are TELLING me how to administer spankings… and I don’t care for that!  But second, you say ‘better’ if I move around.  Better for WHO?  YOU?”  and he shook his finger at me and continued with “THAT is not your call either”.

But i bet the next time he uses the belt, he will move it around.  🙂

So to maintenance or not to maintenance is the question at hand?    Well, assuming there is a “next time”….for maintenance… or with the belt…..but frankly, i hope there IS a next time.  Because i don’t see this as “ABUSE” in any way because NOW i see the positive and i am willingly submitting to Sir.  And i don’t want to ABUSE him either.  His kindness is overwhelming and i shouldn’t have the ability to use it (to my advantage) to the point that it becomes a way to tip the power/ control in my favor… or inflict mental abuse on Sir.

So i’m pretty sure there will be a next time.

And TO MAINTENANCE is my verdict and final answer.

Hugs and Kisses ~

Marie

5 – Thoughts on Submission

Written by Marie on . Posted in Corset Waist Training, Submission, Uncategorized. 2 Comments on 5 – Thoughts on Submission

i sit here with nothing but a latex-black-tight-fitted corset on.  And nipple clamps.  And my collar.  But all that’s for another post altogether.  Today, I want to talk about WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN TO ME.

SO – What is Submission?                                        

What EXACTLY is Submission?  And what does it mean to YOU?  You’ll have to tell me in the comments.  But i’ll tell you what it means to me now….

Well, i suppose i’d be amiss if i didn’t acknowledge that sitting around with a corset, nipple clamps, and a collar would definitely be submission.  But really, that’s what i DO, not what it is ABOUT.  i’m tantalizing and teasing you, aren’t i?

i talked before ‘why’ i submit, but now i’ll talk about WHAT it looks looks like for me to submit.

W*H*A*T submission means to me…. is that i give up.

i give up a lot. i give up a lot of control, of decision-making, of waffling back/forth, of trying to determine the **best** way to do something, weighing pros/ cons. i give David the ability to just decide and the only true decision i have to make is whether to follow his decision (and let him lead) or not. And i (generally) decide to follow, to give up, and to submit. i say generally because well, sometimes i don’t allow him to lead. i don’t agree and i don’t want to do it his way. Which often leads to trouble and to a sore butt, but that too, is my choice… i don’t have to allow him to spank me, but i chose to allow that too.

What else?

That sounds a bit anti-climatic… right? Well it kind of is! Because frankly, submission isn’t really that difficult! But as people, we make it into “difficult.” We complicate it. Why do we do that? I’m not really sure actually. Ha. You anticipated some more profound or in-depth statements, didn’t you?

i am going to offer this thought…. We are ALL submissive. Disagree? You say, “I’d NEVER submit or be a submissive.” Okay, well, maybe you are not as submissive as i am, but YES, we are ALL submissive. Let me demonstrate why i say this……..

Yes, i believe everyone is submissive. 

If you get in the car and drive to work, and get to a red light that is red.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stop.  Right?  You just submitted to authority.

If you have a big project due at work on Tuesday, and on Monday, you realize you need to work late to get it done.  What do you do?  Hopefully you stay late and get it done.  Right?  You just submitted to responsibility.

Tuesday you turn in the project and your boss says, “it is all wrong! Did you understand the project at all? Redo it now!”. What do you do? Well even “IF” you disagree with the boss’s words, hopefully you do NOT talk back, don’t argue, and decide to just redo it and get the work done to your bosses preferences. You just submitted to your boss.

i could go on, but my point is:  WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE!

And WHY do we do these things? WHY do we submit? Because every action has a reaction… or a consequence. Because compliant submission is better than the alternative of the negative consequences.

So admit it, i’m right!! (And maybe i just exerted my Dominant side by getting you to agree with me that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE too.

See what i mean?  Everyone is submissive on some level.

But as we get older in life, the more decisions and the more control we assume. Frankly, we are expected to assume it. (Did anyone ever hear the word, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?”). When we are younger, our parents decided (pretty much) everything. But as we got older, so did our assumption of control and, well…..domination.

But if you ask me, “domination” is confusing. Why is that? Put simply, on the road home, we submit to authority (red lights) but when we get home we become the authority (running a household). Playing different roles in different scenarios is difficult and i find it confusing at best! Some of us are better at it than others for sure.

But i am one who is NOT better at it. i get stressed, anxiety ridden, and find ways to F*** things up!  And what does that lead to??

So let’s look at a scenario –  What DOES it lead to: 

(Honestly, in my marriage pre-DD and post DD – would be a very different answer…. so let’s review BOTH….)

Scenario: Husband does something that i don’t like, i disagree, we fight, and it just happens again and again…. Both the disagreement AND the fight.

Specific example. Our dog likes people food. She follows you into the kitchen in hopes that you’ll set the plate down for her to lick what’s left off the plate after dinner. David typically does this. And it irritates me greatly. WHY? Because it leads to more dog begging and her getting fat.

PRE-DD:

Me: WHY did you give that to her? Again?

Him:  Because.. it irritates you.  And I can.  (Insert maniacal laugh and sly smile).

Me:  (Roll eyes and gritted teeth and annoyed voice…) This is so unnecessary.  There’s no reason to do this!

Him:  Why do you nag so much?  Why can’t you just be happy?

Me:  I’d be happy if you wouldn’t feed the dog leftovers all the time and actually listen to me for a change!

Him:  Why should I listen to YOU?

(And we typically walk away from each other irritated until we both calm down, when we pretend nothing happened and move on … until it repeats tomorrow after dinner!)

WHAT HAS THIS ACCOMPLISHED?  …. NOTHING.  We fought about something and got NOWHERE.  WHY REPEAT THIS PROCESS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?

What’s the alternative?…….POST-DD:

Now, after DD, this exact same scenario started to play out … again… at the end of dinner just last night (for real!).

But this time, my response was entirely different.  I decided to SUBMIT.  INTENTIONAL SUBMISSION.   I looked at my husband, opened my mouth, and then closed it.  He looked at me.  He smiled.  He laughed (a happy laugh).  And this was the convo:

Him:  You really wanted to say something, didn’t you?

Me:  Yes Sir

Him:  Why didn’t you?

Me: Because i chose submission.  And if you think the food is okay for the dog, then why should i argue?  There’s nothing good that can come from arguing with you.

Him:  Good girl! (And a genuine smile)

(And that’s it. Nothing more. No negativity, anger, or nagging! And instead, we replaced it all with smiles and happiness.

This is why i chose to be submissive on a higher-more-conscious level with my home life AND my outside-the-home life too. i intentionally decided to listen to and obey my husband. i decided that i wanted to submit on a higher level than just societal expectations. i wanted to be congruent. i wanted to honor David. i wanted to have less control over stupid things (like whether the dog gets leftovers) and i wanted to be a better wife!

THIS IS WHAT SUBMISSION IS TO ME.  What is it to you?

(more next time on things like my collar, why i use the lower case i, and maybe a spanking story too…. i suspect a strong spanking is going to be happening soon…. more next time!).

Hugs ~

Marie