22 – WHY did i do it?
David and i don’t have many official “rules” to our DD. But, like any good marriage, we do have some.
WHY do we have rules?
Well, EVERY marriage has rules… who’s responsible for laundry, dishes, cooking, kids, paying bills, etc. Maybe they are literally spelled out but they are inherent. It keeps things flowing in the right direction. Right?
So our DD relationship also has rules. Some anyway. Again, we don’t have many, but the ones we have are there for a reason.
What rule am i talking about?
i like to take warm, soaking baths. When we started this DD relationship, David made it clear to me he wanted me to ASK PERMISSION to take a bath. Every time. And i have done that. Until today.
i just ‘decided’ to take a bath. Without asking. Without permission. And i didn’t really care. i knew the rule. i knew i was supposed to ask. And i just didn’t care.
After math…
So after i got out of the tub, i decided to rat myself out. i texted Sir (he wasn’t home when i did the deed.)… and the text simply read, “i took a bath.”
And a few minutes later i get a text back that read, “did you enjoy it?”
“Yep”
“But you didn’t ask.”
“I know. That’s why I’m telling you now.”
“But you knew I’d say yes.”
“True”
What made me do it?
i’m not entirely sure, but after i’ve thought about it NOW, i can tell you what i think….
- i was feeling self-indulgent. i wanted to do something ‘for me’.
- i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule? What does it matter? Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether. Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.
- what if today is “the” day he says no? i didn’t want to chance Sir saying NO, so i decided to do it. (Better to ask forgiveness than permission?!?!)
Let’s break this down…..
- i was feeling self-indulgent. i wanted to do something ‘for me’.
Well of course i was. i was “entitled” to something for me. Right? WRONG! i acted like a spoiled little brat. And while i didn’t think of it this way when i did it, i certainly now think it probably was a bratty thing to do. (i never thought i was a ‘brat’ until maybe today.)
- i was completely certain he’d say yes to it (even he said so – see text above), so why even have this rule? What does it matter? Just do it and maybe this dumb rule can be eliminated altogether. Maybe even he will see that it is dumb.
So frankly there’s a lot in this thought.
First: “He’s going to say yes”. Okay, so what? That tells me merely that Sir is trustworthy and consistent. That shouldn’t be taken for granted. AND the decision to say yes/ no wasn’t mine to make, it was his. i’ve previously given him that decision-making-power, and today, i chose to take it back. It wasn’t mine to take back.
Second: “Dumb rule”. Okay, so what.. again? Even if i think it’s dumb, there’s some reason Sir put it out there from the start, made me think i needed to rat myself out, and David called me out on it today. Not every rule in life makes sense to me, but like some of those others, maybe they are there for “my own good”. And maybe i just need to follow the rules and not question them so much. And i’m certainly not in a position of authority to be able to change them.
So accept them, follow them, and no one gets hurt!
And speaking of “HURT”……
Well, David is still not home yet. In fact, i don’t expect him home for several more hours. But my butt is already raw.. not literally , yet anyway. But i’m WELL aware that it will be. Just sitting here typing i can already appreciate how sore my butt will be the next time i sit down to do anything.
WHY DID I DO THIS?
i’m not entirely sure, because if i’d thought through everything i just did here BEFORE i’d broken the rule, i’d not be contemplating the soon-to-be-inflicted pain.
Hugs and Kisses ~
Marie