233 – i prayed for patience
Quite a long time ago….. like nearly 20-years ago now, i prayed to God to teach me patience. After about a year of enduring situations that demanded patience, i heard myself begging God to let me take back that same prayer… “Yeah, God… uhm… can we forget we had this little talk, shall we?”
i hated it! The only way to learn patience is to experience it….. to be patient. And wait.
To this day, i do not think God forgot. i think He merely laughed. And He put me into other various situations to continue to test my endurance… and patience.
Patience often means self control, which also means self discipline. i don’t mean self discipline as in self inflicted spankings, but rather more like controlling myself to avoid getting into a situation needing physical discipline at all.
Self discipline and self control are very much related and/or the same thing, but so is patience really. We all must learn these virtues throughout life. It’s what keeps us out of trouble.
So all of this can be hard under normal circumstances but add to it a D/s dynamic and it [being patience!] becomes very nearly required and yet… sometimes impossible.
i find myself having to exert a LOT of patience these days as i wait on David to decide if/when he wants to be in an (active) D/s relationship…. And let me tell you, it is pure torture.
But today i see it is already starting to payoff. i know what you are thinking…. “It’s just been a few days!”
But that’s because i only just told you about it. i just didn’t have the courage to tell you. Or maybe it was more like, i didn’t want to admit it… even to myself!
We started not (actively) living this lifestyle just after Christmas. It wasn’t a particular day or time that we decided to stop but rather the D/s activities just started to fade away over time.
So i have been praying and waiting and enduring …. And practiced building PATIENCE…
Today, i saw a small change. But it felt huge!
David & i were at an event with several friends. David made a comment to one of the friends where he spoke about something and i was quick to correct him. i didn’t mean to snap, but i had information that he didn’t and i blurted it out, effectively making him look (and probably feel) inadequate.
He looked sternly at me where in a hushed voice which was clearly audible for only my ears, he said, “you don’t need to be so snarky!”
i just responded with, “Yes. i agree.”
And i stopped.
Later in the day, hours after the event concluded, out of the blue he texted, “I noticed you listened.”
i knew what he was referring to immediately and i smiled. He noticed! i texted back, “as i mentioned, i intent to be the best submissive wife i can be. If you choose to enforce it, i would love that. But i know it needs to be your decision too.”
A minute later, i saw the tell tale blinking …. The Dots….. he was texting back….
And i waited more…. Exercising more patience!
That’s when his message came through and it said, “I likely will.”
And i feel confident, he will. Just can’t wait til he does…..
Ok.
i know.
i have to.
Wait.
BE PATIENT!
Hugs,
Marie