5 – Thoughts on Submission
i sit here with nothing but a latex-black-tight-fitted corset on. And nipple clamps. And my collar. But all that’s for another post altogether. Today, I want to talk about WHAT DOES SUBMISSION MEAN TO ME.
SO – What is Submission?
What EXACTLY is Submission? And what does it mean to YOU? You’ll have to tell me in the comments. But i’ll tell you what it means to me now….
Well, i suppose i’d be amiss if i didn’t acknowledge that sitting around with a corset, nipple clamps, and a collar would definitely be submission. But really, that’s what i DO, not what it is ABOUT. i’m tantalizing and teasing you, aren’t i?
i talked before ‘why’ i submit, but now i’ll talk about WHAT it looks looks like for me to submit.
W*H*A*T submission means to me…. is that i give up.
i give up a lot. i give up a lot of control, of decision-making, of waffling back/forth, of trying to determine the **best** way to do something, weighing pros/ cons. i give David the ability to just decide and the only true decision i have to make is whether to follow his decision (and let him lead) or not. And i (generally) decide to follow, to give up, and to submit. i say generally because well, sometimes i don’t allow him to lead. i don’t agree and i don’t want to do it his way. Which often leads to trouble and to a sore butt, but that too, is my choice… i don’t have to allow him to spank me, but i chose to allow that too.
What else?
That sounds a bit anti-climatic… right? Well it kind of is! Because frankly, submission isn’t really that difficult! But as people, we make it into “difficult.” We complicate it. Why do we do that? I’m not really sure actually. Ha. You anticipated some more profound or in-depth statements, didn’t you?
i am going to offer this thought…. We are ALL submissive. Disagree? You say, “I’d NEVER submit or be a submissive.” Okay, well, maybe you are not as submissive as i am, but YES, we are ALL submissive. Let me demonstrate why i say this……..
Yes, i believe everyone is submissive.
If you get in the car and drive to work, and get to a red light that is red. What do you do? Hopefully you stop. Right? You just submitted to authority.
If you have a big project due at work on Tuesday, and on Monday, you realize you need to work late to get it done. What do you do? Hopefully you stay late and get it done. Right? You just submitted to responsibility.
Tuesday you turn in the project and your boss says, “it is all wrong! Did you understand the project at all? Redo it now!”. What do you do? Well even “IF” you disagree with the boss’s words, hopefully you do NOT talk back, don’t argue, and decide to just redo it and get the work done to your bosses preferences. You just submitted to your boss.
i could go on, but my point is: WE ARE ALL SUBMISSIVE!
And WHY do we do these things? WHY do we submit? Because every action has a reaction… or a consequence. Because compliant submission is better than the alternative of the negative consequences.
So admit it, i’m right!! (And maybe i just exerted my Dominant side by getting you to agree with me that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE too.
See what i mean? Everyone is submissive on some level.
But as we get older in life, the more decisions and the more control we assume. Frankly, we are expected to assume it. (Did anyone ever hear the word, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GROW UP?”). When we are younger, our parents decided (pretty much) everything. But as we got older, so did our assumption of control and, well…..domination.
But if you ask me, “domination” is confusing. Why is that? Put simply, on the road home, we submit to authority (red lights) but when we get home we become the authority (running a household). Playing different roles in different scenarios is difficult and i find it confusing at best! Some of us are better at it than others for sure.
But i am one who is NOT better at it. i get stressed, anxiety ridden, and find ways to F*** things up! And what does that lead to??
So let’s look at a scenario – What DOES it lead to:
(Honestly, in my marriage pre-DD and post DD – would be a very different answer…. so let’s review BOTH….)
Scenario: Husband does something that i don’t like, i disagree, we fight, and it just happens again and again…. Both the disagreement AND the fight.
Specific example. Our dog likes people food. She follows you into the kitchen in hopes that you’ll set the plate down for her to lick what’s left off the plate after dinner. David typically does this. And it irritates me greatly. WHY? Because it leads to more dog begging and her getting fat.
PRE-DD:
Me: WHY did you give that to her? Again?
Him: Because.. it irritates you. And I can. (Insert maniacal laugh and sly smile).
Me: (Roll eyes and gritted teeth and annoyed voice…) This is so unnecessary. There’s no reason to do this!
Him: Why do you nag so much? Why can’t you just be happy?
Me: I’d be happy if you wouldn’t feed the dog leftovers all the time and actually listen to me for a change!
Him: Why should I listen to YOU?
(And we typically walk away from each other irritated until we both calm down, when we pretend nothing happened and move on … until it repeats tomorrow after dinner!)
WHAT HAS THIS ACCOMPLISHED? …. NOTHING. We fought about something and got NOWHERE. WHY REPEAT THIS PROCESS NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?
What’s the alternative?…….POST-DD:
Now, after DD, this exact same scenario started to play out … again… at the end of dinner just last night (for real!).
But this time, my response was entirely different. I decided to SUBMIT. INTENTIONAL SUBMISSION. I looked at my husband, opened my mouth, and then closed it. He looked at me. He smiled. He laughed (a happy laugh). And this was the convo:
Him: You really wanted to say something, didn’t you?
Me: Yes Sir
Him: Why didn’t you?
Me: Because i chose submission. And if you think the food is okay for the dog, then why should i argue? There’s nothing good that can come from arguing with you.
Him: Good girl! (And a genuine smile)
(And that’s it. Nothing more. No negativity, anger, or nagging! And instead, we replaced it all with smiles and happiness.
This is why i chose to be submissive on a higher-more-conscious level with my home life AND my outside-the-home life too. i intentionally decided to listen to and obey my husband. i decided that i wanted to submit on a higher level than just societal expectations. i wanted to be congruent. i wanted to honor David. i wanted to have less control over stupid things (like whether the dog gets leftovers) and i wanted to be a better wife!
THIS IS WHAT SUBMISSION IS TO ME. What is it to you?
(more next time on things like my collar, why i use the lower case i, and maybe a spanking story too…. i suspect a strong spanking is going to be happening soon…. more next time!).
Hugs ~
Marie