241 – i did it!
i ordered a Fancy Steel Chastity belt!
It will take probably a full month to get to me, as it is custom made to fit and coming from Australia (to me …. in US – in TX).
As you know, we have been experimenting with a cheap Chinese belt for almost a year now. First one i had was for fun or for punishment, and rarely for extended times. Then i recently got a (new) cheap one that we used more often. i slept in it every night for nearly 2-weeks.
Wearing it at night served it’s purpose of stopping me from masturbating whenever i wanted (at night), as i tend to fall asleep later than David and masturbated right beside him in bed without permission. He didn’t mention wearing it to work, which was probably good overall. In total though, my ultimate goal was working up to more and more time in the belt with less time out, so wearing it to work would’ve been the next step.
But of course, that was when my vacation to the UK happened and of course i wasn’t going to wear it there.
i missed it when it was off really…. for daytime hours and vacation. i didn’t masturbate once during the times it was off though, as i knew it was a privilege to be out! And when i was in UK, i was just too exhausted really. But as soon as i got home, i was a little slut wife and have already masturbated once without permission. (Yikes!)
David has never been in favor of the belt really. He thinks it is an “unnecessary contraption” and that i “should have more self control and self discipline than that” to make it where wearing it shouldn’t be needed. While in essence i agree with him, i also know my own limitations and unfortunately i think it is very necessary. (See above … already did what i shouldn’t!).
In my opinion, whenever there is a tool that makes a job easier, it makes sense to get and use that tool. Why try to put a nail in a board without a hammer? Why try to dig a hole without a post hole digger or a bobcat? Why try to go to UK without a boat or a plane?
So why try to abstain from masturbation without wearing a chastity belt? It is the best tool to get the job done! (Wouldn’t you agree??)
So i have (more or less) begged him to let me buy the long-term, better fitted, more expensive one for a permanent solution to what i perceive as a (huge) problem…. My inability to stop touching myself at will. And to have the best tool for the job!
i am equally excited and fearful about this new belt.
Obviously i am very excited or else i wouldn’t have obsessed over wanting it for this long, pushed David to allow me to get it, AND officially ordered it now.
But i wonder just how long it will be before the shiny new toy is not so shiny anymore. And how long until i beg David to not lock me up, but to “give me a break” from it too.
David didn’t say this … but …. Knowing him as long as i have, i fully anticipate him saying something like, “you wanted it. You spent a lot of money to get it. Now you’ll be obedient and wear it! Besides, you convinced me and you already knew that you need it and it is effective too!”
So the excitement is that i will get the help i need to be a better submissive to my Sir, and to be fully compliant with the biggest rule i have: NO masturbating or orgasming without permission!
But the fear is that i will indeed regret the decision to have a (very powerful) “tool”, and to not just push through and to instead be submissive all on my own power. i wonder how long i will welcome the belt, versus (maybe) start to resent it. i wonder if i truly resent it, if David will relent. Or will it just be a permanent part of our dynamic now…. And will i accept it with complete submissive grace!?!
Or will my ass just be in severe regret?
i will know better the answers to those questions in a little more than a month because this is all set in motion now!!
Stay tuned!
Hugs,
Marie