278 – a while lotta ….. good!

i am SO pissed off today. It has been a terrible week at work with many clients needy and complaining about everything. And my employees seem to be dodging the clients’ issues and wanting me to deal with it all.

i am so over it!

i came home in a pissed off mood too.

David recognized it immediately.

And for the first time… possibly EVER…. i managed to have enough self control to NOT yell at him. In the past, i have never intended to yell AT him, but rather TO him. But i rarely succeeded and it usually resulted in He/i fighting.

Today was different.

Thank GOD!

i think i’m learning. Maybe.

i walked in the house, and quite firmly (but calmly) told him, “i’m in a bad mood and quite pissed off, but it’s not at you Sir. i had a crappy ass day and if you want to hear about it, i’ll tell you but if you don’t want to, hear it, that’s ok and i won’t tell it.”

While i am learning, i also think he is learning too.

He calmly said, “sure, tell me about it. But TELL me. Don’t yell at me.”

When i was done “telling” him, he listened and offered advice that was helpful. We both admitted that my “telling” was a bit on the edge of “yelling.” i wasn’t telling AT him, but TO him. And for the first time, maybe ever, we both dealt with my stress and anger in a good way.

That probably explains why i have NOT been spanked or punished at all lately. i am growing in my submissiveness, but we are both growing in our abilities to communicate in ways that produce results, without disagreements. (Only took 20+ years, but hey, better late than never!)

It probably also explains why David has arranged for me to have a massage, in our home, tomorrow afternoon, with a female masseuse who will do a happy-ending sensual massage for me too. i made a point to tell David, “don’t set it up and NOT let me orgasm Sir.”

He laughed and told me i have earned it this week. Yah for me!

He set it up with a girl he’s had a sensual massage with already before. David says she gives “really good massages,” to which i clarified what he meant. Did he mean deep tissue massage or happy-ending massage? He said, “both!”

i see.

i have literally NEVER had a “happy-ending” massage. i understand the theory of it, but won’t lie, it makes me a little nervous too. That may sound goofy but it’s true.

Seriously, someone is just watching you and rubbing on you, waiting for you to orgasm. That as opposed to two people both engaged in the mutual act of sexual activity.

She has already texted me to confirm. So after two glasses of wine tonight, i texted her and said, “maybe it’s because i’ve had 2-glasses of wine, but …. i want to tell you i have never had a sensual, happy-ending type massage. i’m excited, but a little nervous. Is this normal?”

She responded almost instantly with, “you haven’t? Really?”

To which i responded, “i have done a lot… for sure. But in the past my massages have been very vanilla where i get to nervous to ask for more, or it is so sexual the massage part just doesn’t happen.”

She replied back, again almost instantly saying, “no need to be nervous, I hope you’ll enjoy how I work.”

She continued, “I am serious about body massage work, but can also be very much a sexual tease too.”

Okay, she made me smile. i said, “we will get along great. Thanks for reassuring me.”

And with that, i breathed a sigh of relief. And will be able to relax tomorrow, on a Friday, with a lot of weekend afterward too!

Because all this has happened when i have been home, after work, i proceeded to get naked. And give David a blow job. After I got him hard but before i got him to orgasm, i attempted to sit on his cock.

He said no.

i continued to press for what i wanted.

He was unimpressed. And he said, “ I said no. Go lock it up until tomorrow.”

i smiled my best sexy smile and said, “really Sir? Are you sure??”

He said, “you either go lock it up now or get ready to be spanked and then lock it up!”


“i was only hoping to change your mind Sir.”

“It ain’t gonna happen!”


So i went and out on the belt.

Until tomorrow.

When i get a deep tissue massage, ending in some sexy, sensual fun!

And in case you are wondering…. After David came home from his long 4-day trip out of town, he let me out of the CB and he let me orgasm. A lot. And then some more.

And then… i wanted MORE. Specifically, i wanted to give myself an orgasm in the way i wanted to do it. David said no.

i slept fitfully. i told him i might would sleep better WITH the belt on rather than off. When he asked why, i said, “because it’s stressful knowing i could orgasm if I just touch myself…. But it’s not authorized.”

He said, “then we need to start having you sleep in CB. That’s an easy fix.”

The only night since that i have slept with OUT the belt on was the “free night,” where he said i was “free to play at will. For one night only.”

i was thrilled! i proceed to enjoy a good, slow, massage by my own hand. But only one, as then i fell asleep.

And today… back to “normal” where he’s in charge, including of my orgasms and tonight he said no. Back in belt for the night.

i am ok with that… in fact, besides being angry at work, there’s been a whole lotta good this week…. got my Sir home, got to orgasm a LOT, got no spankings as we “talked” about my hard week, got back in CB, and get to have a really wonderful massage tomorrow.

Of course this is on the eve of maintenance Friday! We will see if Sir remembers. He is liking the whip more than the paddle these days.




  1. That is awesome that you were able to vent to David in a way that maintained respect. Have a great massage!

    • Thank you Nightfire. Sometimes venting (while showing respect) is a true challenge… and probably the biggest thing that i struggle with overall actually! And most of the time, I fail but sometimes, I get it right too. I suspect that’s true for most subs. At least, I hope so… not that I want others to struggle, but I hate to think I’m a,one in this too. Marie.

    • I may have! Lol. I don’t quite know for certain, but I’ve kinda decided that Locktober isn’t a thing for David after all. It was me who suggested it and while he agreed, I wonder if he ultimately just said no to it. I’m not complaining because while it would’ve been a fun experiment, I think I’d have gotten tired of it quick!

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