i am acting out today. i don’t entirely know why i am acting this way, but i am. And David is unimpressed.
So far i have escaped punishment, but i think if i continue to carry on this way it will not end well for me.
So i told you in my last post that at the end of our Maintenance Friday session, Sir told me to put on the chastity belt. And i did.
i slept in it last night and have worn it all day today. i have no immediate end in sight either. Mostly because of my own attitude problems!
This morning, David went off to play golf and i stayed home. Unless you count the belt, i have stayed naked all day today. And in the process of being alone, and in my own mind, i have managed to get myself angry that i am still locked up.
i texted David while he was golfing and asked if i could have the key. When he asked me why, i didn’t have a good reason and so he said No.
And as the day has worn on, the obsession with getting out has become my sole focus. Every time David commented on something, related or not, i managed to bring it up. And the answer has been “no” every time.
Twice now he’s asked me, “Do you need to Assume The Position? Because we can cure you of this attitude.” To which i responded with, “i don’t want to,” but admittedly, my behavior would suggest otherwise!
At one point, i texted Sir saying, “i am throwing my own (mental) temper tantrum over being in this belt. i don’t want to wear it anymore today.”
i continued, “if i were a toddler, i’d be in hysterics and screaming, while crying, “let me out!” And if i were a teen, i’d be throwing down anger while screaming, “this is stupid. You are being unfair and untrusting! i don’t deserve this.”
He didn’t care. And that made me madder still.
He said, “Remember. You did this to yourself.”
When i responded with on,y the word “ok” was when he asked me the first time if i needed to Assume The Position. Maybe i should’ve said yes, as he’d likely let me out to be able to spank me!
Now since he’s been home, he smiles a wicked smile at me and keeps on walking. Once he did ask if i NEEDED to be let out. i told him MENTALLY i do. He said that wasn’t a need worth entertaining.
Then another time he asked me, “why exactly do you want to be out?”
And the thing is, i don’t really know. i think it’s just the fact that it doesn’t seem necessary. Or maybe it’s because he’s home, so he should want it open to play with. Or maybe it’s because i feel like he’s not trusting me. Or maybe it’s just because i do!
When I didn’t really have any answer at all, he said, “you just want out to play with yourself and there’s no reason for that as I’m not allowing that at this time.”
Now you’d think this would be enough for me to get my head screwed on straight. i mean, really…. i have no valid reason for wanting out. i agreed to submit, so… submit already!
And if that submission means he wants HIS pussy locked up, then it is what it is! i should be happy and thankful that he cares enough to lock it up!
i know all this. i know it’s fact. i know it’s nothing i want to change.
i just ALSO want to be unlocked. Or maybe i just want to know when i will be unlocked.
Maybe it’s that i just don’t know when the lock will be sprung. In the most recent long-time locked sessions, i knew it was because David was out of town, AND i knew when he would return. So i could (and did) mentally prepare myself to get to the finish line.
Now i don’t know when or where the finish line is! It might be in 5-minutes or 5-days!
Unfortunately you’d think i would just get into my submissive mind and be ok with this. But instead, while i am done pouting and screaming and throwing a temper tantrum…. i am getting to the Stubborn-stage. i am now digging in my heels.
i now am like, “fine. See if i care. i will wear this belt and you get denied too! Because while i can’t play, neither can you!!”
And i know he knows that i am now becoming stubborn. He asked me why i was. When i shrugged, he laughed and said, “ok. That’s fine.”
The thing is, David is just as stubborn as i am! He can (probably) hold out longer than me on this one as HE HAS THE KEY.
And even if he wants to use me, he can produce the key, unlock, use, and relock at his will.
Frankly, he has NO reason to let me out before i change my attitude! All he has to do is sit back… and wait.
i know…. This is SO stupid on my part. i don’t hold the key and i don’t have any idea where it is! And i got myself into the belt for suggesting to David last night that he shouldn’t allow me to orgasm. AND i have agreed to submit. AND this belt is comfortable (overall). AND there is NO reason to be out….. Except that i want to be!
We shall see, but i won’t be surprised if i am in this belt tonight too. Hell, at the rate i am going… it may be tonight AND tomorrow night too! i may hit a new high for the length of consecutive time in belt!
i am going to try to change my attitude. i know it’s in my own best interest!