223 – December Blinders

December is supposed to be the “most wonderful season of all,” at least according to all the Christmas season songs. i find it can be the most hectic and busiest time of all.

And when i get busy… i get stressed…. And the way i deal with stress is to get laser focused on the task at hand, get it done, and checked off the list. Kinda like a race horse with blinders on, i put on my blinders and get focused.

Blinders, as shown in the photo, on a race horse is done to allow it to just focus on what’s straight ahead: the finish line.

As i was searching for the perfect race horse blinder photo, i saw these words on a website that described why a race horse wears the blinders:

Horses wear blinders in order to keep them focused on the job in front of them, not on any external disturbances such as cars, sirens, fireworks, or horse-drawn carriages that would otherwise cause the horse to spook and possibly cause damages or harm to itself.

That first sentence…. “Focused on the job in front of them,” resonates with me. While i do NOT wear actual blinders (come on peeps, i am not that crazy…. Or am i? Lol), that’s how my mind gets when i get stressed with a to-do list a mile long… focused.

Well….. THAT is when i am not at my most-best-submissive self either.

And THAT leads to trouble.

i mean, i have things to do. Who has time to slow down, chose my words properly, deliver the words with correct tone, and say “Sir.” That is all superfluous. Right?? W-R-O-N-G!

So yes, my friends, i went from being the most-submissive wife last month (while being denied O’s) to being on-a-mission to get stuff done and forgetting to be my husband’s submissive wife this month.

NOT a recipe for success.

Yesterday was one such day. We had several of my husband’s coworkers to our house for a Christmas party. Beforehand, as we were setting up, we were working together to get stuff set out and doing well. Until we weren’t.

David asked me, “should we move these chairs?” as he was referring to the dining room chairs set around the table that was now repurposed for the food in a buffet line and wouldn’t be used as a seating/earring table.

So i said, “where?” As in, “ok, let’s move them… but i’m not sure where would be best… just back away or to a useful place? What did you have in mind?”

What David heard was, “And where would you think we should put them? There’s no logical place, and it’s not necessary, people can move the, if they get in the way… we have other things to do, so ……”

Again… laser focused, no time for excess words…. And … yah, in trouble i was!

He was immediately angry. He looked at me and said, “When I make a suggestion, it’s important. You do not need to question me. Either you’ll be submissive and do as I say or we won’t do this at all. Do I make myself clear?”

i was in shock honestly. i didn’t understand what the problem was actually. Here’s what went through my head……

i said, “where?” What was there that i was questioning? Why is he mad? i thought i was being helpful, submissive, and getting things done. What does he mean by “you’ll be submissive..or we won’t do this at all.”….. being submissive is who i am, not an air i put on. i can’t NOT do it. Does he mean he won’t be my Sir? He wasn’t saying we wouldn’t be married and we won’t do MARRIAGE at all, was he?”

I WAS CONFUSED.

So when he said, “Do I make myself clear?” My ultimate thought was “ NO, not really!”

Thankfully, what came out of my mouth next was, “YES.”

But…. Of course…. i didn’t say, “Sir.” Nor did i respond any too quickly. There was a distinct pause in my response (see above for all the things i was thinking about!! That took a hot minute!)

That’s when he said, “your response makes your position clear.”

And he stood there staring at me, expecting a better response and more words to come from my mouth. Of which, i strongly debated if i should stay silent OR spew out all the paragraph of thoughts that went through my mind! (See above again.)

i knew if i said anything at all, we would be in a fight. I also knew he was expecting more from me.

Oh-good-grief. What a disastrous start to this party! Now i was just annoyed.

And at that very moment, i was saved by the bell. Literally, our door bell rang. Our first guest arrived. And he went to answer it. Thankful for the reprieve, the party was officially started. (It had to get better from here, right?? YES it did!)

i honestly figured all would be done and forgotten then as we entertained, ate, drank, and hours of conversation passed. But at the end, after all the guests left and we were cleaning up, David looked at me and said, “so…. Tell me what you were thinking when the door bell rang.”

OH CRAP. Really?? Ok, fine, i will tell you. But you just TOLD me to tell you. i can’t together in trouble for speaking my mind when i was told to, right??

So i told him. Just like i told you above.

And no, i didn’t get in trouble. Nor did we get in a fight. It’s probable it would’ve done one of those (trouble or fight), had I said it earlier, because there was emotion involved. However, by the time the words flowed, the emotion had subsided on both sides, which was a good thing!

Instead of trouble, he put his arms around my neck, leaned down and kissed me, and said, “I guess my suggestion should have been worded differently, but so should your response. Would you agree?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good girl. Now let’s go to sleep and do better tomorrow, shall we?”

“Yes Sir.”

And it ended well. But….. i need to take the blinders OFF some too. i don’t need to be so laser focused on perfection, getting to the finish line, or getting everything done even!

That same horse website mentioned previously said this about “why doesn’t the horse wear blinders all the time?”…

If worn all the time, however, blinders would get in a horse’s way. He may not spot the cool stream to his left or the tasty mound of hay to his right. He could run through a wide meadow unable to quench his thirst or satisfy his hunger.

i need to remember to slow down, look around, and remember who i am….

David’s submissive wife.

(Or else next time i likely WILL run into real trouble!)

Hugs,

Marie

2 comments

  1. When I was reading this I was getting a very bad feeling……and then everything turned a 180 at the end and i thought about how similar situations like that are even here and how what could go one way and look one way, can be very different in practice. Great post and very candid about this lifestyle actually plays out when people try to live it seriously.

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