Sometimes i play mind/DOM games with myself. In times when i am feeling particularly submissive but David is not quite as “DOM” as i particularly feel is needed, i play games with myself.
When i become “needy”…. i NEED a lot more domination and i need to have my full submission required… and tested.
That’s when i start the mind games with myself.
In some ways, and maybe in some people’s minds, this isn’t exactly appropriate to “play with myself.” After all, i should rely on David to know what’s best… for both of us. i admit, that is true. But i am still needy. And when i try to ignore my (extreme) need to be dominated, it tends to cause angst and distress…. Which leads to trouble. So instead of bothering him, i decide to play games with myself. Nothing (usually) that is against the rules, just amping it up a notch is all. (i know…..justification…. But.. still!)
i decided yesterday that i need to be reminded for the rest of the month of NO-vember (or at least until my birthday on the 25th), that my sexual pleasure is not up to me. i sometimes need to be reminded that my sexual neediness is not appropriate as i am supposed to be needy for him and not for me!
So …. i decided to deny myself any (ultimate) sexual pleasure but to tease myself a LOT for the rest of the month! i decided every day i will edge myself first thing in the morning. Then i will wear something to work every day under my clothes – rotating between an Anal plug, chastity belt, and pussy dildo. This would happen every-single-day, as a physical reminder to be submissive ALL day EVERY day. When i have sexual reminders, it carries from my sexual, to the physical, to my mind, where i say (and do) things more respectful, more kind, and less aggressive too.
My ultimate intent is that this will make me more sexually needy for Sir, while denying myself simple (and easy!) pleasures.
What i didn’t count on (or even think about) was that David may want to pleasure me for his pleasure…. Especially so soon.
Wouldn’t you know … 24-hours after i started this….. i had to tell him.
i was standing naked, in our closet after edging myself, deciding what to wear for the day, when he came in. He tweaked my nipple while asking me if i wanted a reward for being a good girl.
Of course i wanted that! But i had JUST edged and told myself to be a good girl and STOP. Literally stop. So i didn’t go over the edge, but also stop being so needy. And to prepare for a plug for the day. i was officially in my own submissive mind!
So while i didn’t intent to… i hesitated in my response. i hesitated too long and he heard the pause. He also saw the conflict in my eyes. And he said, “what?”
So i told him.
i said, “i don’t think i need to orgasm for the rest of NO-vember … or at least until my birthday. i think i have been too needy lately, so i thought i would deny myself that pleasure while not bothering you. But if you want to give it, then i will take it!”
Well …. He smiled and said, “huh. Well. Sounds reasonable. Lay on the bed anyway.”
He put his head between my legs and proceeded to lick his pussy until it was very-very-VERY needy. And then he stopped. He said, “I like your thinking. So in keeping with NO-vember, that’s enough.”
i was begging him for release. i said, “Please don’t stop Sir!” He smiled and said, “well, I have to say NO. After all, it is NO-vember!”
He lifted himself up where we were face to face. He was fully clothed as i was naked, and i tried rubbing against his pants with my needy pussy in hopes i’d be suggesting he should get naked too. Instead, he said, “DO NOT cum!” And lifted himself and then me off the bed, gave my ass a good smack and said, “now go dress for work already.”
So with a plug in my ass, i was off to work. Tomorrow it will be chastity, and the next an inflatable dildo in my needy pussy. Maybe it will stop being needy … but i kinda doubt it!
i suppose my mind games just got real for both of us. And now my birthday should be explosive!