This week has been so annoying and stressful. i started this post about 4-days ago, and now i an finishing it while on VACATION and relaxing.
It’s always interesting to me when i write something (and don’t post immediately) how when i come back to it, something things have changed…. namely…. my perspective.
When in the midst of a situation(s), frequently it can seem overwhelming and (almost) insurmountable. And even just a mere day later, it isn’t as big of a deal anymore. Oh, a lot of times the “thing” is still going on, but my reaction to it can often be completely different.
And over the years i have learned that when i am stressed and IN the moment…. i struggle to be submissive!
It’s not that i don’t want to be submissive, it’s that i want things to change, improve, drive toward conclusion. And in the middle of it, being submissive seems passive. It feels like i am not “doing” anything to change the result or the answer or the outcome to just …..(be submissive) …… and wait.
Let me just give you some real-life examples of what happened this week… in the moment and the next day…..
Big Bang is still problematic! Over 60-days now past the accident, and we still don’t have the completely-totaled-car done and gone. While i was not deemed the “at fault” party in an accident where i was the middle of a 3-car pileup, we had to get our own insurance involved. If it weren’t for them, i still wouldn’t have a new vehicle!
Here’s the players that effected me this week:
A) insurance 1 (the girl at the front who police said WAS at fault),
B) insurance 2 (the guy at the back who slammed into me, causing me to slam into girl at front,
C) insurance 3 (our own insurance),
D) AND insurance 4 (our own GAP insurance). FYI: i has GAP on my vehicle and if you aren’t familiar with GAP – it “fills in the gap” between all the other insurances if/when more is owed than they pay).
So this week i got a call from our insurance (#3) saying insurance 2 is filing a “medical claim” against all other people involved, including us (He was walking and talking at the scene withOUT issue), which upon notice having been given to insurance 1, they are now referring this over to a lawyer on their part. AND because of the “open issues” now too, insurance 3 won’t pay off the loan of the vehicle, causing insurance 4 (GAP) to not be able to do their part, causing me to have excess debt on my credit now!
OKAY – In the moment and the day of …….i went home… told Sir alllllll about it.
And (unfortunately) NOT in a respectful tone, so when i was done, i heard the words, “Do we need to go change your attitude?”
Me: “NO! Spanking my ass won’t make all this better!”
Sir: “oh yes, yes it will!”
[INSERT spanking story and my ass turned red right here!]
The next day…… after i calmed down and had a sore rear end, i realized…. there’s nothing i can DO to make this better than talk to the insurance agents, let them sort it all out…. and wait. So by NOT being submissive, all i achieved was a sore ass! My goal of “doing” something amounted to getting naked, bending over, and accepting punishment.
So i started to write a bunch of other examples…. Son’s school, A situation at work, ok so several things at work, and an event planned for our vacation…… but …….
The details don’t really matter.
As i typed away all the details about all my week’s wrongs plus all my efforts to “fix” things… i realized there’s ONE thing they ALL have in common:
i had NO (ultimate) ability to change the outcome!
Oh, yes certainly i do agree, i had some ability… the ability to set things in motion…. call the school and wait for them to take action, talk to employees and set them in action, and to call up the event coordinator and set them in motion too…….
But ultimately….. ALL i had control of was how i responded to the situation!
And none of my actions really drove anything to conclusion, fixed the problem, or changed much of anything.
What DID change was my attitude about it.
The DAY AFTER…. i realized that when i depart from being my submissive-self, ALL that happens is that i cause strife between me and David!
i have to remember this the next time i have a super hard and stressful weeks!
And now… we are onto V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!