100 – Stress: N-O-T my thing…

This week has been so annoying and stressful. i started this post about 4-days ago, and now i an finishing it while on VACATION and relaxing.

It’s always interesting to me when i write something (and don’t post immediately) how when i come back to it, something things have changed…. namely…. my perspective.

When in the midst of a situation(s), frequently it can seem overwhelming and (almost) insurmountable. And even just a mere day later, it isn’t as big of a deal anymore. Oh, a lot of times the “thing” is still going on, but my reaction to it can often be completely different.

And over the years i have learned that when i am stressed and IN the moment…. i struggle to be submissive!

It’s not that i don’t want to be submissive, it’s that i want things to change, improve, drive toward conclusion. And in the middle of it, being submissive seems passive. It feels like i am not “doing” anything to change the result or the answer or the outcome to just …..(be submissive) …… and wait.

Let me just give you some real-life examples of what happened this week… in the moment and the next day…..


Big Bang is still problematic! Over 60-days now past the accident, and we still don’t have the completely-totaled-car done and gone. While i was not deemed the “at fault” party in an accident where i was the middle of a 3-car pileup, we had to get our own insurance involved. If it weren’t for them, i still wouldn’t have a new vehicle!

Here’s the players that effected me this week:

A) insurance 1 (the girl at the front who police said WAS at fault),

B) insurance 2 (the guy at the back who slammed into me, causing me to slam into girl at front,

C) insurance 3 (our own insurance),

D) AND insurance 4 (our own GAP insurance). FYI: i has GAP on my vehicle and if you aren’t familiar with GAP – it “fills in the gap” between all the other insurances if/when more is owed than they pay).

So this week i got a call from our insurance (#3) saying insurance 2 is filing a “medical claim” against all other people involved, including us (He was walking and talking at the scene withOUT issue), which upon notice having been given to insurance 1, they are now referring this over to a lawyer on their part. AND because of the “open issues” now too, insurance 3 won’t pay off the loan of the vehicle, causing insurance 4 (GAP) to not be able to do their part, causing me to have excess debt on my credit now!

OKAY – In the moment and the day of …….i went home… told Sir alllllll about it.

And (unfortunately) NOT in a respectful tone, so when i was done, i heard the words, “Do we need to go change your attitude?”

Me: “NO! Spanking my ass won’t make all this better!”

Sir: “oh yes, yes it will!”

[INSERT spanking story and my ass turned red right here!]

The next day…… after i calmed down and had a sore rear end, i realized…. there’s nothing i can DO to make this better than talk to the insurance agents, let them sort it all out…. and wait. So by NOT being submissive, all i achieved was a sore ass! My goal of “doing” something amounted to getting naked, bending over, and accepting punishment.


So i started to write a bunch of other examples…. Son’s school, A situation at work, ok so several things at work, and an event planned for our vacation…… but …….

The details don’t really matter.

As i typed away all the details about all my week’s wrongs plus all my efforts to “fix” things… i realized there’s ONE thing they ALL have in common:

i had NO (ultimate) ability to change the outcome!

Oh, yes certainly i do agree, i had some ability… the ability to set things in motion…. call the school and wait for them to take action, talk to employees and set them in action, and to call up the event coordinator and set them in motion too…….

But ultimately….. ALL i had control of was how i responded to the situation!

And none of my actions really drove anything to conclusion, fixed the problem, or changed much of anything.

What DID change was my attitude about it.

The DAY AFTER…. i realized that when i depart from being my submissive-self, ALL that happens is that i cause strife between me and David!

i have to remember this the next time i have a super hard and stressful weeks!

And now… we are onto V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!




  1. I don’t have much to say but wish I could have given you a big hug this week. I hope your vacation provides a needed distraction from your “back home” stress.


  2. Not having any control is challenging! But, it sounds like your Dominant knew exactly how to handle it. I hope you enjoy your vacation and can turn off your mind from all that stress.

  3. I’m really sorry these things happened to you and I hope they improve soon. I also think it’s totally okay to not always be submissive, I know I’m not. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t think the attitude adjustment was necessary (you just needed to vent, and you expressed that), but at the same time this is your dynamic and it is not my place to judge. My only advice is keep communication open, talk and don’t be afraid to change things if you feel they need some flexibility. Make BDSM about your marriage and not the other way around, you are still your Sir’s wife first, and sometimes things happen in marriage that just can’t be fitted into a neat little box within our dynamic. We had hiccups at the start too (I was nearly always in trouble!), so if something feels wrong and you need some time to not be submissive or the right to speak freely, make sure you communicate it and make your dynamic work for the both of you. Submissive wives are still women, we’re still human. We still have emotions and just sometimes, even we need a day off, surprise, surprise 😉 make sure you keep talking, keep your heart open and things will be fine. Sending big hugs, Helen xx

    • Helen, you always have such wise words! In thinking about what you said and comparing it to how I was talking to David, I think maybe if I’d prefaced the whole thing with “I had a bad day and I need to vent…..” it would’ve been ok. I think it was mostly in the way I (more or less) ended yelling at David as if it was his fault these things happened that caused the problem. I love your insight! It’s always helpful!!! Marie

      • Ooh yes! Blaming is something you definitely need to be careful of! I nearly landed myself in trouble a few days ago. I asked Matt to hand me a pen and he started asking me if I knew where the pen is (we have this silly little game where you drop ‘the pen is..’ into a conversation about pens, because it’s a great way to say ‘penis’ wthout saying it and because we’re just so mature like that 😉 hehe). When I’m under time constraints, I can be hellishly snappy and not very submissive at all! and I slipped and told him I didn’t have time for fart-arsing around, whoops! I’m trying to do better but it’s probably my biggest weakness. I life efficiency, I like done. Ultimately, I like to have to to-do’s completed so that I can relax and focus on the things I want to do, including my submission 🙂 Relax, you’re not perfect, none of us are! I thankyou for your words Marie, it’s always a pleasure to help 🙂

    • Thank you Michael. I am rather frustrated and “done” with the car stiff… mentally anyway! I tuned it all out and really did enjoy our vacation. Now we are home tonight and I have a busy weekend ahead to get ready to go back on Monday. 🥳

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