i am struggling. i went from being afraid of chastity, to wanting it full time.
Why would i want it full time? Because it is preventative. i know i am not to touch myself without permission. But that’s easier said than done!
Prior to this rule in place, i touched myself in a seductive, sultry way every single day! And i made myself orgasm 2-4 times a week. Which being honest was ultimately not good. Because frequently i did it without Sir present and often him not even knowing…. where i hid it in the bedroom or bathroom to have “me” time. And it led to not wanting or having husband/wife time. Because when he was ready to do something, i was already “done” and not truly interested.
But as a result of how easy it was to satisfy my own needs, ever since this rule has been in place, i have struggled.
The official rule is “no masturbation and orgasm without permission.” So technically i can TOUCH myself…. in a seductive and sultry way. But the temptation is so great that one just simply leads to the next! And it’s easier to NOT do ouch at all then.
So the chastity belt was my idea. It would lock up what’s not mine. And Sir agreed.
Until it came. And it took me overcoming the mindset of how it looked. It looked mean and intimidating. But when i did, i saw it would be my new best friend! It was helpful and useful, and while tight fitting not hard to wear at all.
And that’s when he said, “it doesn’t need to be used that often.”
i have all but BEGGED Sir to leave it on indefinitely or at least for a reallyyyyyyy long time.
He said, “NO. It’s not necessary.”
Well….. i am frustrated. If i can’t control myself and he won’t let me be proactive about it, that sets me up for failure. So why? Why not? Like what’s the reason WHY he had the NO answer????
And i asked him.
It was risky for me to be so bold. And i had tried (for a week now) to just accept it for what it is
[No means NO]. Right?? Shouldn’t have to be explained. Should be accepted as is.
But it has gotten the best of me today. And you are thinking, “why today if you are locked up?” Because being locked up feels good! i feel relief. i have removed the temptation and it is now not even a thing. i truly feel less stress with it on! And i thought, “W-H-Y can’t we just make this the norm? Why can’t i just wear it (mostly) all the time, except for Plan B times when he wants access and we are together… in which case i won’t touch anyway!”
So i said, “i don’t understand why you are hesitate to lock me in chastity more frequently. It would help me if you did.”
And i prayed, “Lord, let him hear my questioning in the GOOD way i am intending it to be!”
And he did.
His response was, “Because it will lose the effectiveness and make you think that when you don’t have it on that you can do what you want!”
So that’s opposite of what i was thinking really.
And i guess he might be right. i guess it may just allow me to be mentally lazy when i rely on it to prevent myself from touching if the belt is there….. and serve to set my mind (and fingers) into overdrive when it’s available.”
And let’s face it…. living in chastity 24/7 is NOT an option. Oh maybe for awhile…. sure…. but not as a viable, completely always that way option. In fact, in 6-days we are getting on a plane to go for a week vacation in the mountains of Colorado. It can’t be worn through security!
Although what i’d love to see the looks of TSA agents when they did a pat down and discovered it! I’m sure they’ve seen it all before… but i haven’t seen them seeing it all before! 😉. Of course…. perhaps that could lead to me being arrested and not getting on the plane at all too! And clearly, THAT is not an option…. which means chastity full time is also not an option!
So i guess i have to work on my mental submission being stronger…. i obviously struggle here and it will be something to overcome….. sometimes in chastity and well…. sometimes not.
i won’t deny…. i just wish he’d lock me up more often and allow me to have stress-free days. (Ok so not totally stress free…. but MORE stress free.)
Until next time…. locked in Chastity for now and am now off to have a relaxing STRESS FREE day!