66 – So maybe my trust is lacking….

i have noticed that, if i were to be completely honest with myself, i do hesitate. i really don’t mean to. But when Sir says do something, i question him….

Like when he said “assume the position” (see previous post) his exact words were “I think you should probably go assume the position”

And i hesitated. When he asked me why. i said, “you think… probably…. so is that an order? Or just some thoughts you had out loud? And did you mean NOW?”

He rolled his eyes and said, “the word ‘probably’ is more than 50% so you should assume I meant to do it. And I wouldn’t say it now if I didn’t want you to do it now”

And I said, “yes sir” and THEN did as i was told.

And then yesterday i also hesitated when he said to take my top off.

And now today…… when we left for work, he texted saying that when i get home, i am to go straight to the bedroom and “assume the position” (again).

Well…. his parents are in town and in our home…. and they will HEAR a spanking happening. So i said, “But Sir….” and he stopped me right there and said “as I already said and now completely believe to be fact, you clearly do NOT trust me enough. Do as I say and quit questioning me!”

Yes sir!

And so i will wait time see what tonight holds.

i clearly need to do better.




  1. Words are power. Having my husband speak to be clearly and in unequivocating terms serves two primary purposes. It clearly communicates his intent. It also demonstrates leadership and command over me, which we both love!!
    I don’t “sort of…maybe…kind of…probably…” need his leadership and discipline. Nor does he sort of, maybe, kind of, probably, want to lead and provide discipline. Thus, he strives to choose words consistent with what we both desire and need.
    Early on in our D/s dynamic, he struggled with speaking assertively. We would talk about it and I would encourage him to feel free to be as direct as possible. It took time but he grew into it and now there is never ambiguity in his commands.
    My point is, talk to him about it. It may not be a sign of a lack of trust on your part, but a lack of trust in his part. He may not trust that you will react positively to him talking sternly and clearly. Thus he may be insecure about being perceived as overreaching or as being a jerk.

  2. Hi Marie.

    I know this was last month but it reminded me of when we first started D/s. B was more of what I classified as a ” Ask/Tell Guy”. Like Jennifer said, it was his way of testing the waters of what he wanted but wasn’t sure I’d actually do it. There is a lot of vulnerability in being a Dom as well. Over the years B has admitted that while he loves the position he is now in, he has regrets that he was not the one who brought this into our lives.

    Anyway, we float along well with his wording until something comes along and makes him question himself or me and he can revert back to the Ask/Tell guy again. Talk to him, but also give yourself both time. Your hesitation, while understandable might be adding to his. Try to see if you can just do it, and squash your worry or questions- and hopefully he will build off of that.
    ( Assuming of course this is still on your mind all these weeks later)


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