58 – i Forced His Hand

i have been C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y frustrated….. with David.

So i told you last time our routine is nowhere near a “routine” right now. And i plugged myself. And he found it. And said i was to stay that way until further notice.

Well…. he initially said that would be the next day. And i cringed. Wondered how in the world i would accomplish that. But i deserved it and would figure it out. And i was doing just that.

My butt was getting sore though, but i refused to complain. i mean i sure as hell wanted to, but i didn’t. Why? Because i refused to be a brat about it. i earned the punishment and i wasn’t going to accept it. i ultimately felt pride that he cared enough to notice and do it, and pride in myself that i did indeed sign up for this lifestyle and was going to abide by it.

All for not.

He noticed i was starting to “dance” around. i couldn’t exactly get comfortable and the plug was starting to cause my butt to be very sore. And he inquired. So i spoke honestly.

That’s when he said, “if you want to take it out now, you can”.


W-H-Y give out a punishment to just change your mind? Why even act like you care enough to punish if you really don’t? And how is this showing you as in charge?

i mean, let’s break this down….

1) a plug won’t (likely) cause permanent damage (when used in moderation)

2) having it in “too long” will just rub me raw, but that will heal.

3) a raw butt would just cause me to think twice next time.

4) sympathy. You felt bad. You felt your punishment was too harsh. So you relinquished. (But the punishment wasn’t too harsh. It established you as the authority first and final)

So you just frustrated me. And caused me to lose (some) respect.

And now………..

How to get it back? Respect, authority, and discipline. We both need it, we thrive in this relationship, and falter when we don’t stick to it.

So i forced David’s hand. Quite literally.

Our weekly maintenance spankings have a routine.

On the maintenance day, i get home from work and go straight into our bedroom. i undress. completely. 100% naked. i don’t speak to anyone for any reason.

i get the paddle out of the drawer.

i lean over the bed. The upper half of my body is laying flat on the bed, with the lower half off the bed with my feet on the floor.

And i place the paddle in the small of my back.

And wait.

When David comes in, he grabs the paddle and he warms my butt. And then he spanks. Until he thinks i’ve had enough to turn it red, remember who is in charge, and to be reminded to remember submission is what our house is about.

And typically, if i have accepted this spanking with grace, without complaint, or defiance – it ends with him rewarding me with his fingers finding the ultimate sweet spot between my legs. And i get to cum freely.

i decided to do just that… all that i said above. Without discussion or being on “the day” (Friday).

We haven’t talked about maintenance or any spanking in a longggggg time. And i had my fill. i was done waiting. i was done trying to leave hints. i decided it was long overdue.

So yesterday at the end of work, i went home and prepared as if it was “the day.” And i waited.

It didn’t take long and in came David. He made a comment, “oh, I see what you want.” And he picked up the paddle and turned my butt beet red. It was hot (literally and figuratively) when he was done. And throbbed for quite a few hours. He did it as if we had never stopped or had a recent break in routine.

When he was done, i told him he has to be in charge and be authoritative and stop second guessing discipline. He agreed.

So in a way, you could say i forced his hand. i forced domestic discipline. On my ass. And it hurt. But i was pleased.




  1. Here’s a bit of information about butt plugs. I posted about this topic a number of months ago. There are actually safety concerns with wearing butt plugs and nipple clamps too long. Permanent nerve damage can occur. Take look at this article. https://thehealthybear.com/butt-plug-guide/

    I highly suggest, Marie, that you talk to other subs about being submissive. Forcing his hand is topping from the bottom. This is something I’ve seen you write about really frequently. You’re undermining his authority and disrespecting him each and every time you demand he be more dominant and tell him how to do so. Food for thought. It’s possible that as Dom and sub the two of you aren’t really compatible. You may very well want and need very different things. My two cents.

    • Hi Succulent,
      I’m not entirely sure your intention here, but wanting to believe the best too. I won’t deny our D/s relationship is a work in progress, no doubt. I think that’s life for everyone though, and after 25-years of being together, we are most definitely compatible. I wouldn’t be with someone this long without being compatible.

      Maybe what I do wouldn’t work in every relationship, but David is VERY capable of putting me in my place when he thinks it’s necessary. He actually told me he found what I did to be quite submissive. He recognizes that I don’t have to submit…ever…but I do. Asking to be disciplined in the way I did it was exactly what we both needed… him to be nudged (I didn’t demand, require, scold, flat out tell, or otherwise Take Control). I did indeed make a strong suggestion, to which he accepted. But he even told me, he didn’t have to do it and he could have easily punished me for having attempted to get it. And i knew i was taking a risk in doing it. But he thought it was “long overdue” and my actions gave him the “prompting he needed.” So maybe this gives you a different perspective and even if not, that’s ok, people are entitled to their own opinions too.
      Hugs, Marie.

      • I get that. 😉 My comment wasn’t intended as disrespect. I’m sorry if it came across that way. I’ve been a bit on the harsh side with my words lately after a couple of really nasty social interactions. Forgive me for letting that come through with you.

        I wrote a post about MY experience with my husband and topping from the bottom hoping you might read it. ♥ A lesson I had to learn was accepting His style of domination. It’s not what I wanted or was used to. By wanting him to dominate in the way i wanted i shot Him down as a Dom.

        Finding the right D/s relationship is extremely challenging because you’re merging sex, kinks and real life relationship stuff and just as people. It’s much harder to find than just a spouse. lol “Just” like it’s easy. 😉 Marriage is huge and so special. Not every couple matches up in all ways. Sexually compatible is not the same as compatible in the realm of 24/7 D/s.

        Seems I was harsher than I thought given your response. Again, my intent was to help and actually be kind despite how it came out. Have a great night. ♥

      • Thank you for the clarity. I will go read your top-from-the-bottom post for sure.
        Sleep well!

  2. I think that sexless marriages are the high side of normal. I think people quit having sex, have sex outside of the marriage, or masturbate instead of having sex.
    Wow! Aren’t I the playful voice of happiness!
    In most other areas of life we either get with the program or hire it out, but with sex, it slowly falls away until no one even wants to think about it
    Then there are folks who keep working at it including prodding our Mates to fulfill their role even if it isn’t completely natural or isn’t necessarily their idea.

    Hey, if it is someone’s role to clean the kitchen or change oil in the car, sometimes we all need a little prodding to keep our life moving smoothly.
    I think that is true with a Dom as well. Just because a person is a Dom doesn’t mean that they keep up in a perfect way.
    I’ve had employees say “Hey boss, we need more of (fill in the blank). I’m not offended if someone reminds me when critical details have been ignored. Why would or should it be different in a relationship that works great if critical details are promptly dealt with and falters if critical details are forgotten or not properly attended to?

    Dom or not, some systems only work effectively if critical details are attended to. Oh, and that isn’t criticizing in any way anyone’s perspective or action, just that all of us need to be kept accountable, by ourselves or by someone else.

    I am happy and amazed that you folks are the exception to the sexless marriage phenomena and are working it through including you taking a chance, insisting on
    a spanking when it’s critical for your smooth function, throwing yourself out there, and lying over the bed for a good paddlin’ even if you had to ‘Top From the Bottom.

    Good on both of you. And, I really like your articles. You guys are great.

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